


Unsavory Creatures

by sporadicwriter



Category: Harry Potter (movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Azkaban, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Dark Magic, Drama, Drama & Romance, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Families of Choice, Family, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Female Reader, Fighting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Half-Blood, Harry Potter reader insert, Hurt Remus Lupin, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kissing, Magic, Muggle-born, Muggle/Wizard Relations, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Pottercest (Harry Potter), Protective Remus Lupin, Psychological Drama, Psychological Torture, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Remus Lupin Lives, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Romance, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Sirius Black in Azkaban, Slow Burn, Smut, Torture, Werewolf, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Witches, Wizarding Culture (Harry Potter), Wizarding Traditions (Harry Potter), Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter), Wizarding World (Harry Potter), Wizards, Young Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24654361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sporadicwriter/pseuds/sporadicwriter
Summary: Over a decade since fighting in the First Wizarding War you, a renowned Magizoologist, have agreed to help teach at Hogwarts alongside Rubeus Hagrid. Although you’ve missed seeing some familiar faces you’re not sure if you’re ready to face your ex-lover, Remus Lupin, or if you’re going to be able to repair the relationship with your nephew, Neville Longbottom. It doesn’t help that all eyes are on you after your once best friend, Sirius Black, escapes from Azkaban.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Reader
Comments: 30
Kudos: 120





	1. Bluecap

Finding the abandoned Muggle mine was the easy part. Getting what you came for was mildly difficult. Leaving with a curious fairy that found every rock and crevice the most fascinating thing in the world before the wizarding hunters arrived - now that was the hard part.

Bluecap fairies thrived in mines like the one you were trying to escape. Back in the day the fairies would aid the Muggle miners that worked in said caves by showing them where to dig. Bluecaps loved the attention Muggles would give them, but of course allowing Muggles any interaction with magical entities was dangerous to the Wizarding World, so witches and wizards alike were ordered to hunt them down, and they did, nearly to extinction. Now Bluecaps were hard to come by despite their amicable nature, and they were still legal to hunt.

You'd stalked the hunters for weeks through forest to find their final destination. Once you figured out where they were headed, you took a shortcut to beat them to the mine. Now with the fairy in tow and just a little lost, you were struggling to leave before they showed up only to find their treasure was in the hands of who could possibly be the world's most tiresome magizoologist.

Your wand lit the rocky paths left by Muggles. The fairy tittered about happily, disappearing into small holes that lined the damp cave then reappearing with small stones of sparkling salt and the occasional bit of silver. You accepted the gifts graciously despite your growing annoyance. At least your new guest would make a perfect companion for your Nifflers.

At long last you were greeted by sunlight as you reached the entrance of the mine. You nearly tripped through the opening and took a deep breath of fresh air after a simple whisper of _Nox. _You held out your hand and the stem of your broom promptly flew into your palm.__

__"This is where we begin our journey, my friend," you smiled to the Bluecap. It smiled back to reveal its perfectly canine teeth. Of course, it had no idea what you were saying, but it was just happy to have the company.__

__You dug around in your satchel and pulled out a tiny box. You put it in the palm of your hand and held it out to the fairy. Bluecaps were constantly serving people and providing gifts as that was their nature, but the only way to truly gain its trust was to provide a gift of your own. Then you'd have a friend for life._ _

__The fairy landed on your hand and picked up the box ever so gently. It looked up at you with it's pure black scleras as if you had just handed it the entire world. You smiled lovingly, and you thought it would smile back, but instead it quickly disappeared back in the cave._ _

__"Oh, we really need to get going," you called after it, but knowing it was too late, you heaved a deep sigh._ _

__"I wouldn't worry too much," a voice caused you to jump. "I sent the hunters away, so we could have time to talk."_ _

__You whipped around to greet your intruder._ _

__"Professor Dumbledore," you gasped._ _

__"My dear, after all this time you may call me Albus," your old headmaster chuckled graciously. You wasted no time in giving him a much needed embrace._ _

__"What on Earth are you doing here," you smiled after releasing him._ _

__"Well, I wish I could say I was here to watch my most prized student in action, but alas I do have an agenda."_ _

__"Your most prized student? As I recall I gave you quite a bit of grief in my youth," you laughed. "What're you trying to butter me up for?"_ _

__"As you may have heard our dear Professor Kettleburn is retiring from his position as Care of Magical Creatures Professor to spend some time with his remaining limbs."_ _

__"I did," you nodded. "I also heard Hagrid will be taking over his position. He must be overjoyed."_ _

__"He is indeed, as we all are, but I'm concerned parents will not want someone that never completed their Hogwarts education teaching their children."_ _

__"You're not going to sack him before he even starts," you exclaimed in opposition._ _

__"Not at all," Dumbledore chuckled. "But I was hoping you would come and aid him. Just for a semester or two."_ _

__"Me," you exclaimed with a furrowed brow. "Why me?"__

 _ _"You may not realize it, but you've made quite a name for yourself over the years. Rumor has it you have quite the rehabilitation center on your hands for magical creatures."_ _

__"I do, yes, and I'm afraid I couldn't leave it all alone."_ _

__"Ah, but it's my understanding you do not run it by yourself?"_ _

__"The Scamander's grandson," you nodded. "Yes, but I'm afraid I only leave him alone when I must attend trips like these."_ _

__"And these trips last how long? Weeks? Months? The duration of one school semester?"_ _

__"I see your point," you smiled sheepishly._ _

__"Don't think I haven't noticed you've been running yourself ragged ever since the War," Dumbledore put a hand on your shoulder. "It's about time you had a chance to breathe, my dear."_ _

__"I suppose I could use a break..."_ _

__Dumbledore took notice of the dark circles under your eyes. You were young, but the way your shoulders sagged was beyond your years. You let your hair grow longer since the last time he'd seen you. Your clothes were dirty and torn, having been camped out for weeks, but Dumbledore got the impression they would have been that way regardless. He also wondered when was the last time you had a decent meal._ _

__"But it's Neville's third year at Hogwarts and it would be too strange for him if I were there," you shook your head._ _

__"On the contrary," Dumbledore disagreed. "I think he'd enjoy the company."_ _

__"I'm afraid it would be too strange for me if I were there," you admitted. "I haven't been to Hogwarts since I lost her. I think I may have to decline, Albus."_ _

__With crossed arms you walked to the entrance of the mine and poked your head in to see where your new companion had flown off to._ _

__"That's too bad," Dumbledore said from behind you. "I was hoping Mr. Lupin would have a familiar face to welcome him."_ _

__You felt your eyes grow wide as your body froze. You turned around slowly, trying not to seem too interested, but failing horribly at being aloof._ _

__"Welcome him?"_ _

__"Why, Mr. Lupin is our new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor," Dumbledore explained. Sly wasn't typically a word used to describe the Headmaster, but it sure did fit in the moment. You allowed the silence to settle before you spoke._ _

__"You're a cheeky one, you know that?"_ _

__"I may know something about that, yes," Dumbledore smiled charmingly._ _

__Your Bluecap finally returned from the mine with the tiny box in its hands. It landed on your shoulder and excitedly showed the perfectly round piece of silver it had tucked away for safe keeping._ _

__"Fine," you faced Dumbledore. "Just one semester. And I reserve the right to frequent my rehabilitation center as I please," you informed your soon to be employer._ _

__"Understood," he nodded agreeably. He held out a hand to you which you shook firmly._ _

__"Welcome back, Ms. Longbottom."_ _


	2. Ghost

A strange, but not entirely unwelcome sense of familiarity engulfed you the moment you'd set foot on Hogwarts grounds, but there was no time for nostalgia. Your hurried footsteps was the only sound to be heard in the empty halls, echoing eerily off the walls. You were late to dinner, of course, because some things never change.

It had taken longer to pack than expected, and you wasted too much time going over procedures with the Scamander boy. The prospect of leaving him in charge of your rehabilitation center was terrifying despite the fact you knew he was beyond ready. It's not like you were even leaving _all _of your creatures there.__

____

____

You'd managed to leave most of your belongings (including animals) in your quarters. Other creatures had arrived days before you, but in your rush that meant many would be joining you for dinner in your cloak. Magically enchanted to make the pockets nearly endless you could feel them rustling around, unhappy at being jostled so much.

Your Bluecap tittered about your head, unsure of why you were in such a hurry and agitated that she couldn't stop to bring you gifts. The more time you spent with her the more she reminded you that of a Cornish Pixie. Her pale, blue skin was growing more vibrant everyday upon leaving the dark recesses of the cave. You'd have to limit her contact with the Sun to protect her delicate and scaly skin. 

She was more slender than her Cornish cousins and lacked their anntenae. Her ears were smaller and flopped down, but she still shared the same iridescent dragonfly wings as other fairies. She was mischievous if left on her own, almost guaranteed to steal or hide something in whatever room she inhabited, but she was also incredibly kind and well mannered. 

You were both getting better at communicating these days, but there were still many things she didn't understand. In a way, she had imprinted on you, but rather than a mother, she saw a friend. Even if you had tried to leave her in your room she most certainly would have found a way to follow you.

You pushed through the large doors of the Great Hall just as Dumbledore rose from his seat. At least you hadn't missed the speech.

The hall was just as grand as you remembered. You looked up at the enchanted, night sky ceiling and floating candles as you passed by long tables packed to the brim with students. Many, if not all of them, watched you make your way to the front of the room. You smirked at the whispers and mumbles of the confused children despite the fact having so many eyes on you made you incredibly anxious. You couldn't remember the last time you were around so many people.

Your Bluecap went silent and timidly landed on your shoulder, suddenly shy in front of all the students. As you approached the professors’ table you made eye contact with several of its occupants. 

McGonagall raised a brow at your tardiness and it nearly made you turn red. Again: some things never change. Hagrid was beaming and you were pleased to see there was an empty seat between him and Snape. Dumbledore nodded to you just as he stepped up to the podium and you nodded back in greeting. Then, just on the other side of him, you saw Lupin.

He had certainly aged, and there were more scars to his face than you remembered, but it was him. And he was looking at you like he'd seen a ghost. Of course, there were actual ghosts present at the feast, and in all honesty he was probably more comfortable in their presence than yours. You broke eye contact with him immediately and took your seat just as Dumbledore began to speak.

"Welcome, welcome," he began. "To another year at Hogwarts. I'd like to say a few words before we all become too befuddled by our excellent feast," he smiled cordially. "First, I'm pleased to welcome Professor R.J. Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Good luck, Professor!"

As Lupin stood the room broke into polite applause. You clapped as well and allowed a small smile to grace your features. Lupin glanced at you nervously as he took his seat. You stared at him a beat longer than you should have before returning your attention to the speech. Dumbledore was talking about the retirement of Professor Kettleburn.

"I'm delighted to announce his place will be taken by none other than our own, Rubeus Hagrid!"

You clapped emphatically, as did the rest of the room, and you smiled at the obviously embarrassed man. McGonagall had to nudge him in the ribs to get him to stand. As he did, his large stature caused the entire table to shift forward.

You clapped a hand over your mouth to keep from guffawing. You heard tittering on your shoulder and looked to see the Bluecap heaving with tiny laughter.

"And acting as his advisor for one semester only is one of the world's most renowned Magizoologists," Dumbledore turned to look at you before announcing your full name to the room.

You rose to your feet beside Hagrid and bowed to the room, making the fairy fly to avoid falling from your shoulder. You worried the sound of your thundering heart could be heard over the applause. 

As you looked out over the sea of students it was hard to believe that once upon a time you were one of them. It was more than a little overwhelming. Now you were an advising professor of magical creatures shoving a tentacle back in your pocket.

You scanned the room with a mischievous smirk to see if anyone noticed, but you lost your focus when you were swept up in Hagrid's arms. Many of the students burst into laughter and you made no move to contain your own chortles as your feet left the floor. He hugged you tightly before setting you back down gently.

"Sorry 'bout that," he apologized bashfully. "Jus' excited t'have you here is all." You rested a hand on his arm.

"Me too," you smiled. 

It was Hagrid that pushed you into Magizoology in the first place and now you were to be advising _him _. It was a truly surreal feeling. The both of you returned to your seats as Dumbledore continued his speech.__

____

____

"I should have known I'd see you here one of these days," Snape spoke to you. "You always had a knack for associating yourself with unsavory creatures." He glanced at the Bluecap on your shoulder, but of course that's not what he was referring to, or rather who.

"Good to see you're still cheerful as ever, Rusty," you replied in a whisper, undeterred by his words. Snape visibly stiffened.

"I don't believe such nicknames are appropriate between colleagues."

"Hm," you hummed in response. "Good thing you and I are friends." He said nothing in response.

Friends. Did you still have those? You'd spent years on your own, actively avoiding people, even keeping the Scamander boy at a comfortable distance. Hell, you never even called him by his name because it was too personal. Life became simpler, lonelier, but simple. 

And yet all it took was getting on Severus Snape’s nerves to make you feel like you were eighteen again. As if one moment the pair of you would be studying in the library, and the next you’d be fighting for what's right with your sister and best friends. 

What you wouldn't give for them to have a place at your table...

"I don' believe I've gotten t'meet yer friend here," Hagrid pointed to the fairy as soon as Dumbledore's speech was finished.

"This is a Bluecap I rescued from a Muggle mine," you explained. "She's been all on her own." Hagrid held out his palm and the fairy looked to you for confirmation. You nodded and she jumped from your shoulder to his hand.

"On 'er own? Aw, now that jus' ain't right fer a Bluecap," he acknowledged sorrowfully, bringing her closer to his face for inspection.

"I imagine her family were taken by hunters when she was merely a spriteling," you said. "And that the Muggles were gone before she even hatched."

"Does she have a name?"

"Not yet. I was hoping you could help with that."

"Me? O' sure!" He looked down at the fairy in his hand and a bright smile spread across his large features. Hagrid may have been a big man, especially to someone as small as a Bluecap, but he was anything but threatening. The fairy returned the smile and promptly zoomed around the man's head before flying off to find him a gift. "Sure is a spritely 'lil thing," he chuckled heartily.

"That she is," you agreed.

"Oh, an' no need to worry 'bout any 'o yer other creatures! They've been gettin' along jus' fine on the grounds. In fact, the Kelpies 'ave been gettin' along a 'lil too well with the Thestrals," Hagrid chuckled.

"Hmm," you acknowledged dully. Hagrid shifted uncomfortably at the small frown on your face, suddenly feeling like he'd said something wrong. "What about the Gwins and the Grindylows," you asked. Marine creatures were hard to acclimate to new environments, and not to mention territorial.

"I was more worried 'bout Gwins an' the giant squid, but they've been gettin' along jus' fine they 'ave!" He was grateful for the change of topic. Hagrid scanned the room warily before lowering his voice. "I, uh...don' suppose ya brought anymore... _interestin' _animals?"__

__"Oh, Hagrid," you opened up one of your pockets. "I've been saving the best for last."_ _

__Hagrid's face lit up giddily as soon as he looked inside. The pair of you 'chattered incessantly,' as Snape put it, for the entirety of the meal. The Bluecap kept bringing Hagrid pieces of pea and carrot, which he always accepted kindly. Hagrid promised to take you to your creatures afterwards and introduce you to the ones that already lived on the grounds._ _

__You'd tried to leave the hall as calmly as you could once supper was complete. It was hard to contain your excitement after being away from your creatures. Sure, it was only a few days, but you'd raised many of the animals from birth. They were your family when family had gone._ _

__You hadn't gotten far before you heard someone call your name. You paled as soon as you looked over your shoulder and found the source. Hagrid tried not to laugh at your obvious anxiety._ _

__"Good evenin', Professor Lupin," Hagrid greeted._ _


	3. Dementor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You talk to Remus for the first time in a decade and reflect on the past.

"Hello, Hagrid," Remus smiled. "I trust you're well?"

"Oh, yes. I was just goin' t'feed the creatures, I was. I'll meet ya at the hut, Professor Longbottom," he winked at you. "Why don't ya come with me, lil’ sprite," he nodded to the Bluecap. She looked up from your shoulder with wide eyes.

"Go on," you nodded. She hesitated for a moment, but Hagrid's gentle smile prompted her to fly to his shoulder.

"Don't you worry," he comforted her, noticing her puppy dog eyes staring after you. This was the first time you'd separated since you rescued her. "There's plenty o' things for you to find at the hut!"

An uncomfortable silence settled over you and Lupin once you found yourselves alone. He shoved his hands into his pockets and cleared his throat. Remus was a horribly awkward child and he found himself not a particularly charismatic adult.

"Allow me to walk you to the grounds," he offered.

"Sure," you smiled politely despite the uncomfortable tightness growing in your chest.

The pair of you began walking down the corridor together. It reminded you of simpler times when there wasn't so much...silence. The walk was excruciatingly slow yourself looking anywhere but Lupin.

"You look well," he commented. You chanced a glance at him. 

He needed a haircut, as his chestnut bangs were starting to spill in front of his eyes. His face was tired and his clothes were worn, but you didn't judge. Frankly, you probably looked similar after all these years. To you, Remus looked...lovely. He always had. 

"You don't look half bad yourself," you smirked.

"Oh, you're too kind." The pair of you chuckled before reluctantly settling back into silence.

You allowed yourself a lingering stare out the corner of your eye. Lupin was self conscious of his scars, but you'd always found them oddly attractive. You knew they were reminders of his pain, but they were also a part of him.

"Care of Magical Creatures," he blurted out of nowhere, desperate to speak to you. "It was only a matter of time."

He smiled at you almost as if he were...proud. There was no malice. No anger from past hurt feelings. He was just...happy for you.

And you were happy for him, too. Sure, you'd been alone for a while, but that was a choice. Lupin never had that luxury as a werewolf. He deserved this.

"I suppose you're right," you smiled kindly. "I've always had a knack for finding all sorts of creatures. They're my favorite part of this world."

You'd lived in the Wizarding World for so long, Lupin sometimes forgot you weren't raised there. You were both half bloods with completely different upbringings. Your childhoods were similar only in the fact they were strange.

"I must say, I was surprised to see you at the ceremony," Lupin confessed. "I had no idea we'd both be teaching."

Would he have accepted the position if he knew you'd be there? You had, and for reasons you didn't entirely understand. But why had Dumbledore informed you of Lupin's presence, but not the other way around?

"Who would have thought a couple of trouble makers like us would become professors," you chuckled lightly.

"I would imagine James is having a right good laugh right now," Lupin grinned. 

You felt like you'd walked through Headless Nick, but you didn't let it show. Despite feeling no hostility towards Remus you weren't sure you were ready to talk to him about the Potters. Or any of the past, really. Nonetheless, you forced a smile.

"Lily would be proud," you said.

Lupin didn't force the conversation. It was hard for him, too. And he knew you well enough to realize you weren't about to wear your heart on your sleeve.

You fell silent again, but this time it wasn't uncomfortable or sad. You just listened to the sounds of your patient steps and allowed the peaceful respite of being in your own heads.

"I met Harry on the train," Lupin informed you. Your eyes widened a fraction.

"You don't say?"

"He had a run in with a dementor," Remus nodded solemnly. Your jaw clenched. Dementors at Hogwarts after your old best friend. The world never ceased to fail you. That was not something you or Remus were ready to talk about yet, though, and a different thought occurred to you.

"Did you have to cast a patronus," you gasped.

"Not a corporeal one," he responded sheepishly. 

You nodded in understanding. Lupin despised his wolf patronus for obvious reasons. You couldn't remember the last time you cast a corporeal patronus yourself.

"I'm not sure which is worse," you sighed. "Dementors or Thestrals."

"I've never known you to dislike a creature," Lupin rose his brow.

"Oh, I'm a crotchety old woman now," you smiled deviously. "I dislike a great many things." Remus laughed openly. He missed this. To be frank, he missed you. You always knew how to make him laugh or pick him up when he was down. Probably better than James or Sirius ever could. The way you two ended things still weighed heavy on him.

"I'm happy you're here," Remus said honestly. "I look forward to teaching together." You studied him seriously and allowed a smile to grace your features.

"As do I," you replied. You stared at each other other, grinning gaily, and it all just felt so...familiar. You looked away.

"I find it hard to believe we'll be teaching the son of James and Lily," Lupin shook his head.

"Lord help us all," you laughed. Remus joined you.

"He looks so much likes James it's uncanny." 

"I heard he's got Lily's eyes," you spoke. Remus nodded.

"He does."

You still thought of the Potters often and how unfair all of it was. How unfair everything was. You'd been angry for so long about a great many things. About the people who weren't around anymore and about the children who would be raised without their parents. Like your own sister. You swallowed thickly.

"Harry has to be...thirteen now, correct," Lupin asked as you neared the end of the corridor.

"Same age as Neville," you nodded.

"That's right," Lupin exclaimed. "It's Neville's third year! How is he?"

"He's well," you smiled, but Lupin could see a sadness to it. "He's got a knack for herbology as I understand it. We don't talk as often as we should these days." Lupin nodded silently.

"I..." he trailed off for a moment, unsure if he wanted to have this talk or not. You both slowed to a stop in front of the exit to the grounds. "I heard about the custody trial. I'm sorry I wasn't there, but you and I...well...we..."

"We weren't on speaking terms then," you finished for him.

"Right," he nodded regretfully. He cleared his throat before looking at you out the corner of his eye. "But we're on speaking terms now." It came out as more of a question than a statement.

"We are," you confirmed with a light smile. He made no effort to conceal his grin.

"Well, I don't want to keep you from your creatures. I look forward to speaking with you more, Professor Longbottom."

"And you as well, Professor Lupin," you smiled.

He opened the door to the grounds for you so you stepped through with a smile.

"Always such a gentleman," you laughed at the ever-so-polite man.

"Anything for my favorite witch," he winked before closing the door. You stared after the door grinning stupidly to yourself. You were still his favorite witch?

You began the short walk to Hagrid's hut all the while beaming. For some reason your heart felt lighter. You shook your head at the familiar flutter.

_Knock it off _you told yourself. Nonetheless, the smile stayed all the way til you were standing in front of the Hut's door. You knocked, more like pounded, on the thick wood. Hagrid opened the door and took one look at you before breaking into a wide grin.__

____

____

"Looks like someone had a nice walk!"

"It was...surprisingly pleasant," you spoke evenly, trying (and failing) to wipe the smile off your face. Hagrid stepped aside to let you into his home only for you to find the Bluecap passed out in a pile of candy on his kitchen table. "What happened to her," you giggled at the sight. She was sound asleep with an obviously full stomach. Hagrid closed the door before laughing at the sight himself. 

"Turns out yer friend there has a rather large sweet tooth for such a small thing!" 

"A sweet tooth, huh..." You grinned at the fairy before catching Hagrid's eye. He bore a knowing smile. 

"So, I expect you'll be spendin' quite a bit o' time with Professor Lupin, won't ya?" "Well, we _are _colleagues, so I suppose we will be," you responded, pretending not to know what he was getting at.__

__"Oh, come now! I know you was sweet on each other back in the Order days!"_ _

__"I'm afraid that ship has sailed," you crossed your arms._ _

__"I never did understand what happened between ya," Hagrid shook his head. "Why, you two were sweeter than butter beer!" You smiled fondly at the memory of you and Remus in simpler times, but the grin quickly faded._ _

__"I wish I could say it was the War, but when it came down to it we were just very different people," you sighed. "And I was never able to look at him the same after what happened to Sirius..."_ _

__"Such a shame that was," Hagrid nodded solemnly. "I still can't believe Mr. Black woulda done somethin' like that to James and Lily."_ _

__"That's because he didn't do it," you snapped. "Sirius loved the Potters more than any of us."_ _

__"Well, what do ya reckon happened that night," Hagrid asked in confusion._ _

__"Peter Pettigrew," you spit. "That...Wormtail," you sneered. "He was always a coward. I suppose I'm biased, the two of us never got off, but there's no doubt in my mind that he's the one who betrayed Lily and James."_ _

__"Why would he leave behind a finger?"_ _

__"I can't say, but Wormtail wasn't an idiot. He planned the whole thing."_ _

__"I s'pose ya already heard about about Mr. Black escapin' Azkaban?" Hagrid would never admit it, but he was probably the biggest gossip at Hogwarts._ _

__"Read it in the Prophet," you nodded. "I didn't have anything to do with it if that's what you're thinking."_ _

__"Well, o'course not," Hagrid exclaimed. "I jus' know the two o'you were close, thas' all! Thought you might be-"_ _

__"Excited? Relieved? Scared? Truth be told I'm all of those things," you sighed. "And I haven't really had anyone to talk it over with other than our little glutton over there," you indicated the Bluecap who was still sound asleep.__

__"Well, yer not alone no more." Hagrid gave you a hearty pat on the shoulder. You nearly toppled over, but you were still grateful for the gesture._ _

__"No, I suppose I'm not."_ _

____

__

____


	4. Hippogriff: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're confronted with a horrible memory before running into two people you hadn't expected to see so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I tried to make this chapter a little on the long side to make up for it. Hopefully this means I can pump out the next chapter quickly.

Hagrid had been a nervous wreck all morning. He'd barely spoken a word during breakfast which left you no choice but to have a riveting conversation with Snape about the benefits of fairy wings in potions, much to Sweet-tooth's dismay.

You made eye contact with Lupin more times than you cared to admit, but you weren't able to greet him other than a rushed _Good morning, Professor _as Hagrid hurriedly dragged you straight to the forest to prepare for class after eating. There was still an hour before the first group was scheduled, but he insisted on having everything just right.__

____

__

You met Buckbeak and made his acquaintance the previous night, but you bowed nonetheless upon seeing him again, casting a pointed look at Sweet-tooth on your shoulder to make sure she did the same. She did as you wished, having learned her lesson the night before when Buckbeak tried to nip at for what he perceived as disrespect. You were pleased to find the magnificent creature bowed right back and allowed you to stroke his beak-like snout.

"Thas' a good sign, innit," Hagrid wrung his hands together. "That he's in a good mood." You stepped away from Buckbeak to instead stand in front of Hagrid. He barely noticed your presence, too busy staring at the Hippogriff that could either make or break his teaching career. You took one of his giant hands into both of your seemingly tiny ones. He finally met your gaze.

"Hagrid," you started calmly. "You know more about creatures than anyone I've ever met, and the students here obviously adore you." You thought back to roaring applause he received at the welcoming ceremony. "You are meant to be a professor." Hagrid held your gaze a beat before responding.

"Ya really think so," he asked unsure. You squeezed his hand.

"I know so," you beamed. The giant man finally allowed a nervous smile once you released his hand.

"I'm glad yer here," he admitted.

It had been a long time since anyone depended on you. Creatures, sure, but oftentimes people were more complicated. People you let down. Or rather you let _them _down. You hoped this time would be different.__

____

____

"I'm glad I'm here too, Hagrid," you smiled honestly. He clapped his hands together.

"I s'pose I should be off t'get the students now."

"Good luck, Professor," you said with a wink. Sweet-tooth flew to Hagrid's shoulder and gave him an encouraging smile. You watched the pair of them disappear down the forest trail. 

Of course, this left you to deal with your own first day jitters. Unable to stay in one place you opted to take a walk in the opposite direction through the foliage.

The forest was eerily calm and slivers of sunlight poked through the tree tops. There weren't many noises over the sound of your feet crunching sticks and the occasional bird call. A chill ran up your spine when you recognized the slow and quiet tone of a low _whooop. ___

____

____

It was a sad sound that caused you to break out in goosebumps. Despite your better judgement you decided to seek out the source.

You changed course, pushing past bush and sticks, eventually coming to a pause. Another sad _whooop _rang out, this time much closer. You parted one last bush and there they were: Thestrals.__

____

____

They looked like walking horse skeletons except somehow more sickly with a thin layer of skin stretched across their spindly bones. To be in their presence was haunting, and you couldn't help but look away. You wished it wasn't so often that you ran into these creatures, but they always seemed to follow you no matter where you went. Serving as reminder of all those you'd lost.

Thestrals could only be seen by those who witnessed death, and you'd seen more than your fair share. As if that morbid reminder wasn't bad enough, seeing them was always followed by intense guilt. For all the people you didn't protect...those like your sister.

You drew in a shaky breath and turned away from the animals, not daring to look at them. You took one step away before you noticed the Kelpie standing in your way. It stared at you noiselessly.

On land, Kelpies didn't look much different from the average horse, save for their green manes and gold eyes. In water, their hair changed to seaweed and they could move even faster than they did on land. They were dangerous if agitated, so you dared not make a move, but it didn't appear aggressive. It just stood there and watched you.

Kelpies had a very strange aura about them. They were technically nature spirits and they had a calming yet authoritative presence. They were beings both deserving and demanding of respect.

You bowed your head as the creature decided to pass you by without another look. You dared cast a glance over you shoulder and found it approached one of the Thestrals. 

One of the skeletal creatures paused when the Kelpie approached, before gently nuzzling it with its snout in greeting. The Kelpie let out an airy whinny. Despite what Hagrid had told you about the two groups of creatures getting along, you were completely oblivious to this being act act of affection.

Instead, you began the trek back to the clearing in a confused haze. You'd only lead the Kelpie herd to Hogwarts for migration purposes, but for some reason they were still here, and the forest didn't even have a large source of running water. It just didn't make sense.

You hadn't noticed when you made it back to the clearing and plowed right into a student. The impact sent you stumbling back a step and you glanced at the disgruntled boy who had the unfortunate fate of being in your way.

"Sorry, James," you apologized before promptly being on your way. You'd only taken a couple steps when you froze and turned around slowly.

You'd never seen a picture of Harry Potter, but you recognized him immediately. Lupin wasn't kidding when he said he looked just like James. The last time you saw his child the boy was only a year old and oftentimes resembled the smushed face of a mandrake. Now he stood before you in the spitting image of his father, staring at you in shock with "...Lily's eyes," you mumbled to yourself.

Behind him stood a red headed boy and a girl with untamable brown hair. All three of them stared at you with a look of bewilderment. Harry opened his mouth to say something to you, but you heard your name being called. You looked behind you and realized you could only avoid one out of these two people.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Potter," you said hurriedly before running away to greet your nephew. If you hadn't been shaken before you definitely were now. Nonetheless, you plastered on a smile. "Neville," you greeted him with a grin that soon faltered as you took in the sorry sight of his robes. "I see you don't take after me when it comes to creatures."

"I tried to stroke the spine of the book like Hagrid said to, but..." he looked down at the tears in his clothes. "It didn't go so well."

You nodded in understanding. The tarantula looking textbook possessed a sort of sentience that came off as aggressive if not handled properly. Figuring out how to open it was a sort of test to see if the reader had potential as a Magizoologist. You'd had no problem when you read the book yourself, but evidently Neville on the other hand...

"No matter," you waved a hand and pulled out your wand. With a quick flick of your wrist the holes in his uniform magically sealed. "You take after your mother, anyhow. She was well versed in Herbology."

_And charms _you thought to yourself. _And potions. And just about every other class you took together. It was quite annoying actually. _____

_____ _

_____ _

Although Neville was dying to hear what else you had to say about his mother, he knew better than to push the subject.

"How'd you know I like Herbology," he asked confused.

"You told me in one of your letters," you explained.

"We haven't written in ages."

"I have a good memory when it comes to my nephew," you shrugged.

Neville was touched at the sentiment. He was also hurt that he hadn't heard from you in months, so long that you hadn't even told him you'd be teaching. He stuck the toe of his shoe in the dirt and dragged it across the ground.

"It's good to see you," he mumbled. You smiled gently.

"It's good to see you, too, kid." 

Hagrid cleared his throat on the other said of the clearing to get the attention of his new pupils.

"Don't want you to get in trouble with the Professor," you nodded towards the half giant. Neville moved to leave, but paused.

"Will I see you later," he asked timidly.

"I'm not going anywhere."

The boy allowed a small smile before jogging over to join the rest of the students. Honestly, you were surprised with yourself. Sweet-tooth flew up and landed on your shoulder to escape the eyes of the crowd.

"Have a good time, did you," you asked. She nodded and handed you an acorn. "I'm afraid I may have just made a promise I don't know if I can keep," you stared after your nephew. 

Sweet-tooth tilted her head and peered under your chin to see what you were looking at. Hagrid stood before Buckbeak as the rest of the students formed a crowd in front of him.

"Isn't he beautiful," Hagrid asked the class, holding his hands out as if to show off the Hippogriff. "Say hello to Buckbeak."

"Hagrid, exactly what is that," the red headed friend of Harry Potter asked.

"That, Ron, is a Hippogriff," Hagrid explained.

_Ron _. So Hagrid knew the boy. Perhaps that meant he knew Harry Potter as well.__

____

____

"First thing ya wanna know about Hippogriffs is that they are very proud creatures," Hagrid continued. "They are very easily offended. You do _not _want to insult a Hippogriff. It may just be the last thing you ever do," he warned gravely.__

____

____

"Now," he clapped his hands together giddily, as if he hadn't just informed his students they were in the presence of a creature that could easily cause their demise. "Who'd like to come and say hello?"

As Hagrid took a glance back at Buckbeak every student took a step back. Well, that is every student except for one. 

"Well done, Harry! Well done," Hagrid beamed upon seeing Harry was one step in front of the crowd. 

You couldn't help but snort at the horror stricken expression on the boy's face as he realized the class had just volunteered him to be mauled by a Hippogriff. 

Ron nudged him forward to get on with it, and once again you were reminded of James. He and Sirius could goad each other into doing just about anything with the right push. Perhaps Harry shared a similar friendship with Ron.

Hagrid lured Harry closer, slowly inching getting the boy to inch his way towards the Hippogriff. The new professor instructed his student along the way, agonizingly slow, but steadily making headway.

Buckbeak reared back as the boy got closer and Hagrid hastily ordered him to back away. You gasped audibly when Harry stepped on a stick, like a gun shot ringing out in the forest. Sweet-tooth covered her eyes in horror. 

Everyone held their breath, waiting to see what the Hippogriff would do. Surprisingly, and perhaps anti-climatically, he graced Harry with a bow.

Harry was visibly relived, but it was short lived once Hagrid told him to pet Buckbeak. And yet Harry did as he was told, slowly reaching a hand out to the Hippogriff who watched him strangely.

Hagrid applauded when Harry's hand connected with Buckbeak's snout and gently stroked it. The rest of the class followed Hagrid's lead, clapping their hands together, yourself and Sweet-tooth included (perhaps the fairy a bit too emphatically. She was just happy to be apart of something).

"He may let you ride him now," said Hagrid, already approaching the boy.

"What," Harry exclaimed just as Hagrid's hands wrapped around his waist and lifted him onto the creature.

Hagrid slapped Buckbeak's rear leaving the rest of you to watch Harry grab on tightly and brace for takeoff. He screamed in both terror and elation as Buckbeak's hooves left the ground and quickly soared above the tree tops.

The pair disappeared from view leaving only Harry's giddy shrieks in their wake. Everyone looked up into the sky with open mouths, silently awaiting for his return and struggling to locate him amongst the clouds. 

It wasn't until you heard the distant flap of Buckbeak's wings and your eyes laid upon Harry's beaming face and windswept hair that you thought, yes, that is indeed James' son. He had the same reckless and adventurous spirit as your old friend and it made your heart swell.

Hagrid whistled to call Buckbeak back. The Hippogriff obeyed and soon landed in the middle of the clearing. Hagrid lifted Harry from Buckbeak's back and pulled him to the side, most likely to ask how the flight was. Unfortunately, the new professor didn't notice a blonde boy pushing through the crowd and strutting towards Buckbeak without an air of respect. Hagrid's warning echoed in your mind. 

_"You do not want to insult a Hippogriff. It may just be the last thing you ever do." ___


	5. Hippogriff: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to get out a chapter a week, but that doesn’t leave me much time for editing, so we’ll see when the next chapter is ready because I wanna make this series enjoyable, and I wanna be proud of it! The next chapter is going to be a personal favorite of mine, though.

" _OI _," you bellowed. You took off at a sprint that knocked Sweet-tooth right off your shoulder. You knew you were too far away to physically stop the boy, but that didn't stop you from trying. "Back off," you ordered. He ignored you.__

____

____

"You're not dangerous at all, are you," he taunted Buckbeak.

"Malfoy, no," Hagrid cried, realizing all too late what was happening.

Your eyes nearly popped out of your skull. No, it couldn't be...but even from a distance you could see the resemblance. And from the way this boy behaved it would only make sense for him to be the son of that snake.

He walked with a confidence he hadn't earned, but that quickly turned to fear when Buckbeak reared up one his hind legs.

The snide expression melted off the boy's face only to be replaced by utter terror. He brought his arms up to shield his face just in time for Buckbeak's front talons to come down and tear the sleeve of his robe.

He crumpled to the ground just as you and Hagrid managed to put yourselves between Malfoy and the angry Hippogriff. You held your ground despite the way Buckbeak loomed over you. You and Hagrid both waved your arms above your head, doing your best to make the pair of you appear large and undeterred. Hagrid called the Hippogriff's name sternly and threw a ferret for him to chase after. It distracted him enough to let you kneel down to the injured boy's level.

Malfoy writhed around on the ground whining a high pitched _"He's killed me." _There was no blood soaking his robes so you took the opportunity to grab him by the scruff of his collar and pull him towards you.__

____

____

"What were you thinking," you growled. Malfoy wasn't sure what was more terrifying: you or the Hippogriff.

"Don't worry," Hagrid panicked. "It's...it's just a scratch."

"Hagrid!" You looked up to see Harry Potter's other friend, the girl with untamable hair. "You have to take him to the hospital." You could see Hagrid physically steel his nerves.

"I'm the teacher. I'll do it."

He scooped Malfoy up into his arms. The boy dangled like a ragdoll in his arms and spoke with the pitch of a mouse.

"Class dismissed," Hagrid called over the sound Malfoy's weak threat of _"You're going to regret this." _The crowd of students seemed unsure of what to do with themselves as they watched Hagrid carry Malfoy away.__

____

____

"Let this be a lesson to all of you," you addressed the class. "When we give you a warning we expect you to respect it, understood?" No one said anything, so you rose a brow. "I expect to hear a _Yes, Professor Longbottom _unless you'd like me to assign you a three page paper on the importance of safety in this class. Once again I'll ask: When we give you a warning we expect to respect it, understood?"__

____

____

This time you were graced with an emphatic _Yes, Professor Longbottom _. You nodded definitively. "Good. I expect you all on your best behavior next class. You two," you looked over to Buckbeak who had been joined by Sweet-tooth. "Let's go." You nodded your head away from them and walked in that direction. They didn't need any prodding to follow after you.__

____

____

Neville stood still while the rest of his peers packed up for their early dismissal. He watched you walk away without another word. He knew now obviously wasn't a good time to talk.

"Neville," Harry called to him, knocking your nephew out of his daze. He looked to his friend followed by Ron and Hermione. "Professor Longbottom...do you know her?" Neville licked his dry lips before nodding slowly.

"She's my mum's sister," he explained.

"Do you think you could tell me about her," Harry inquired.

"I don't know...she's pretty private."

"She knew my dad," Harry implored. Again, Neville nodded.

"Yeah, she knew both your parents."

"Neville, I need to know everything about her if she knew my parents!"

"Yeah, well, your parents were sort of the reason she and Professor Lupin broke up."Neville rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Wait, your aunt went out with Professor Lupin," Ron exclaimed.

"I mean, I don't really remember it, but yeah. Listen, I only know what I do because of my grandmother, so I don't know how much of it is true. She and my aunt didn't exactly get on well," Neville shifted uncomfortably. "I rarely see my aunt and we hardly write anymore. All I know is that she and Professor Lupin had different opinions on Sirius Black and that they broke up right after your parents...well...you know." Neville readjusted the strap of his school bag. "Sorry I can't be more help."

With that, he left. The group stared after him still registering his words and trying to make sense of you.

"Well, that was...odd," Ron filled the silence left by Neville's departure.

"What's odd is he said Professor Longbottom is his mum's sister," stated Hermione.

"What's so odd about that," Harry asked.

"Neville's mother married into the Longbottom family. That's not the Professor's maiden name, or surname even, so why does she use it?"

No one had an answer. While the group continued to make sense of of the many mysteries you posed you were already halfway to the castle. You had left Buckbeak beside the pumpkins of Hagrid's hut. He had nuzzled you to stay, and you pet him absentmindedly before leaving him disappointed.

"Keep him company, will you," you asked Sweet-tooth in a mumble. She nodded and flew to the Hippogriff's back.

The incident coupled with finding the Thestrals left you in a strange mood to say the least. You knew Malfoy would be fine, but if he was indeed the child of who you thought, then that left you with more than one problem. Who better to consult with than the Head of Slytherin himself?

You lingered outside the door of the Potions classroom before decidedly letting yourself in. The room was empty save for Snape with his back to you. He was restocking the shelves and if he heard you enter, he hadn't acknowledged your presence. 

You chose not to announce yourself, merely watching him methodically full the shelves. Eventually he turned around and paused when his eyes landed on you.

"I see you still don't knock," he spoke. You smiled slyly and took a seat at one of the potion tables.

"Sorry. Old habits," you smirked. He rose his brow before returning to stocking the shelves.

"An apology. Now that's unlike you. Which can only mean you're having a bad day," he said, not sounding particularly interested. "I don't suppose this visit has anything to do with Mr. Malfoy?"

"You did not get all that from me apologizing," you exclaimed. He looked at you levelly.

"I _'got all that' _from knowing you for twenty years. As well as from hearing Mr. Malfoy's incessant whining in the halls."__

____

____

"Is he really Lucius' son," you asked, worry evident in your voice.

"Yes," Snape responded. You groaned outwardly while putting your head in your hands.

"This day just keeps getting better and better."

"Mr. Malfoy has a habit of not following proper procedure," Severus informed you. Stating the obvious was the closest Snape ever came to trying to make you feel better.

"I wonder where he gets that from," you said sarcastically. "Lucius should be in Azkaban, not Sirius..." you added under your breath.

"That is a dangerous sentiment," Snape warned. He turned to face you and crossed his arms. "Should you begin to voice your support for Mr. Black you may face unpleasant consequences."

"I never stopped voicing my support," you grumbled.

"Nonetheless," Snape continued. "Choose your confidantes wisely." A smile replaced your glum features.

Snape would never admit it, but he did care about you. He was there for you in a way none of your other friends had been. James and Sirius may have been popular, which provided you with certain perks during your school days, but overall you still shared a strangeness with Snape that the boys would never understand.

"Are you suggesting we become best friends again, Rusty?"

"I'd hardly say that is the proper way to describe our past relations."

"But you admit we were friends?" He returned to organizing his shelves.

"Being around you was tiresome and nothing more."

His words hurt, but you smiled nonetheless.

"Sounds like friends to me."

Severus only hummed in response. You were used to Snape's cold personality and had accepted it a long time ago. He was brutally honest and rarely spoke a kind word, if ever, but he was real and unlike any of your other friends at Hogwarts.

James and Sirius were trouble makers like you, Lily and your sister were kind hearted, and then Remus...well, he was Remus. But Snape was quiet and held a cynical humor you found amusing. You loved James and Sirius to death, but you never liked the way they treated Severus. 

You thought back to what you saw in the forest.

"Rusty, I have a personal question for you."

"Aren't all your questions personal," he replied sarcastically. You ignored him.

"When did your patronus change?" He paused a moment before responding.

"Why? Is someone having problems with their jackalope," he mocked.

You smiled at the memory of your first corporeal patronus. It had been your sister that taught you in your waning years of Hogwarts. The pair of you had laughed heartily at the sight of a glowing rabbit with antlers hopping about the room and over your heads. She said it was a very fitting patronus for you.

Snape continued speaking with a huff. " _Please _tell me it's not a wolf." You snorted out loud.__

____

____

"No, it's not a wolf," you laughed, but quickly sobered up. "...Do you still not like him?"

You didn't have to clarify the him in question.

"I was against Dumbledore's decision to add him to the staff if that answers your question." 

You grew silent, not willing to push the subject further. James and Sirius were always the ones who gave Snape a hard time not Remus, but he didn't stop his friends either. He didn't speak up for Snape like you did. 

"Don't tell me you're once again pursuing that fool." He wasn't facing you, but you could tell he was rolling his eyes. "The pair of you were insufferable then. I cannot tolerate such nonsense now."

"Trust me. I have no feelings whatsoever for Remus Lupin."

"I've heard that before," he chastised you. You pursed your lips in defiance. 

"You still haven't answered my original question," you said. "When did your patronus change?" Snape stilled, obviously having thought he avoided the question. He looked at you over his shoulder.

"When Lily died." 

You hummed in acknowledgment. Not many knew about Snape's hidden feelings for the woman, but he had reluctantly shared his secret with you when you were both young and the entire school knew that you and Lupin were head over heels for each other. The entire school save for you and Remus yourselves, of course. 

So you and Snape bonded over your hidden feelings, but while you fell more in love, his resentment only built towards love itself. For fairy tales. That's what the difference was between you and Snape. You got to live out your fairy tale while he was left behind to sulk.

Then again, your happy ending didn't last.


	6. Boggart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that I finished a chapter on time!

Only a few days had passed since the Buckbeak incident, but class resumed with no more problems. Draco Malfoy created quite a story on how he barely made it out alive, and word had it Lucius Malfoy was out for blood, but you were more transfixed on your conversation with Snape.

_"I have absolutely no interest in Remus Lupin." ___

__Why didn't Snape believe you? Regrettably, things had ended rather terribly between you and Lupin, Severus knew that. He was one of the last people you talked to before leaving to become a recluse with your creatures. Of course, you were on speaking terms with Remus now, but what did that _mean _?_ _ __

__

__

__Were you just colleagues? Friends? Or perhaps Remus wanted more? That had to be out of the question.__

 _ _It'd been a good ten years since the two of you had spoken a word to the other, much less parted ways as a couple, and yet, despite the touchy awkwardness here and there...it didn't feel like that much time had passed._ _

__Still, there's no need to assume either one of you still had feelings for the other. It'd be silly to think that, in fact. And yet rationalism did nothing to calm your anxiety.__

 _ _Hell, you and Remus pined after one another for your entire Hogwarts career and neither of you had the slightest idea that you liked each other. Even with James and Sirius constantly badgering the pair of you._ _

__You'd only spoken to him a handful of times since that first supper. Each time left you feeling, well, nice. And that scared you._ _

__In all honesty you'd been avoiding Remus lately. Snape had a gift for striking your nerves which often got him inside your head.__

 _ _Did you intend to have a strictly professional relationship with Remus? That's the only relation that made sense. Being his friend and or lover did not come without its hardships. Presently, it was just easier to pretend he didn't exist rather than reflect on the pros and cons._ _

__Of course, fate had other plans. You arrived late to supper (yes, _again _) and found the only seat left was beside the exact person you'd been attempting to avoid. Sweet-tooth had taken a liking to naps during suppertime, but you found yourself regretting letting her sleep. You would have been grateful for the company._ _ __

__

__

__Lupin caught your eye as you approached the seat and smiled warmly. He was happy to see you and it sent your stomach into knots._ _

__Who were you kidding? You wanted to be his friend. You longed to feel that friendship again, and maybe you could have some semblance of that now, but you were ignoring why things fell apart in the first place._ _

__"Good evening, Professor Longbottom," he greeted as you took your seat._ _

__"Evening, Remus," you smiled politely before you promptly mentally slapped yourself. Apparently you had just initiated a first name basis. And all it had taken was a _good evening _._ _ __

__

__

__"How did you sleep," he inquired._ _

__He was probably just being polite, but you worried he noticed the bags under your eyes. Ever since you ran into the Thestrals in the forest you'd been losing sleep thinking about all that you witnessed in your youth, or worse, reflecting on the damage you caused.__

 _ _You wouldn't give yourself the chance to be plagued by nightmares in your sleep, and luckily you had plenty of nocturnal creatures that were grateful for the extra attention._ _

__"I slept well thanks for asking," you responded curtly, avoiding getting sucked into his gaze._ _

__His brow drew together in confusion._ _

__He hadn't seen you recently, but he'd heard about the Buckbeak incident and assumed you were just dealing with the aftermath. He was beginning to suspect there was something more behind your absence._ _

__Lupin wanted in your life again. He'd decided that from the moment he saw you at the ceremony, but he knew you were stubborn and wouldn't put it past you told hold a grudge.__

 _ _In many ways, Remus knew you better than anyone else and he thought of you often in the time you spent apart, but that didn't change the fact it had been years. The pair of you had probably changed more than you can say. Maybe that was for the best._ _

__You did your best to ignore the fact he smelled the exact same as from the moment you'd first met him. You tried even harder to ignore the fact your arms were nearly touching and it took everything in you not to just close the space to feel him against you._ _

__Touching you. Heat rushed to your face as you remembered a time when the notion wasn't so strange. He was an attentive lover and you..._ _

__You choked on your pumpkin juice as sinful memories and wants plagued your mind. He pat your back in concern, but you brushed him off._ _

__"Wrong pipe," you coughed._ _

__"Are you alright? Your face is red." You panicked and picked up a copy of the _Daily Prophet _off the table to fan your face._ _ __

__

__

__"I don't know what's wrong with me today," you hung your head in embarrassment._ _

__"I might have an idea."_ _

__You looked to Remus in confusion only to find he was staring at the paper in your hand. The front page was covered in that wretched mugshot of Sirius. The one where he was screaming in agony. You dropped the paper on the table like it was on fire just as a student came running into the Hall._ _

__"He's been sighted! He's been sighted," the boy called, running about to a group students seated at one of the long tables._ _

__"Who," asked Ron._ _

__"Sirius Black!"_ _

__The boy slammed down his own copy of the _Daily Prophet_ onto the table. The group of students, who you noticed contained not only Harry Potter, but also your own nephew, crowded around the paper._ _

__

__

__"Duftown," Hermione exclaimed. "That's not far from here."_ _

__"You don't think he'd come to Hogwarts, do you," Neville asked fearfully._ _

__Even your own nephew had been taught the world's twisted version of Sirius Black. That the man who would lay down his life for the Potters was instead the man responsible for their death. And none of his friends defended him._ _

__You dared look down at the picture of your best friend. Twelve years he'd been locked away from the world for a crime he couldn't possibly have committed. You couldn't imagine the abandonment he felt. The hopelessness that you had allowed be instilled in him._ _

__You shut your eyes at the familiar feeling of your stomach dropping and filling with shame. Guilt. Just moments ago you were reminiscing over a schoolgirl's crush while Sirius was out there fighting for his life._ _

__"Excuse me," you stood from your chair and quickly moved past Remus. "I have to go."_ _

__Harry watched the altercation between you and Lupin. His eyes tracked your swiftly moving form out of the Hall with curiosity._ _

__Alone in the corridor you put your back against the wall with a shuttering breath. You would not allow yourself to feel this pain. You didn't deserve to feel bad for him after letting him be imprisoned. Then again, you weren't the one who should feel awful._ _

__You heard someone call your name and with a roll of your eyes you looked over you shoulder to see Remus. The last person you'd want to be around right now. But he called your name again, ever so gently, resting a hand on your shoulder._ _

__Suddenly, you were angry. Furious even, so you wrenched your shoulder out of his grip._ _

__"I can't talk to you right now," you seethed.__

 _ _Memories from the day Sirius was imprisoned rushed to your mind. The sight of seeing him through prison bars and the way you called his name so desperately as Remus dragged you away drove chills down your spine._ _

__It was a lie to say you had done nothing, but the self loathing that came from your failure to free Sirius often consumed you. The one at fault, the one who truly did nothing, was Remus. He believed the narrative that had framed Sirius. He believed Sirius betrayed all of you, and for that, a piece of you would always hate Remus._ _

__Lupin was never a volatile person when it came to anger, but as a child he had a temper just like any other. You waited for his frustrated huff and the stomp of footsteps retreating, but he was simply silent before speaking softly._ _

__"I think we should talk."_ _

__You looked at him curiously albeit with narrowed eyes. Your arms were crossed stiffly across your chest and he could see your jaw clenched as tight as it possibly could. "After class tomorrow," he added. You stared without saying anything._ _

__"Fine," you said eventually with finality._ _

__"Looking forward to it," Lupin smiled gently before leaving you alone in the corridor._ _

__You always hated that even when you were seething Remus could be the kindest man. At least, he was, until there came a day when he couldn't be anymore.__

 _ _You probably shouldn't be so harsh on him. After all, everyone and everything changed after James and Lily were killed._ _

__Well, at least you could be for sure of one thing: you could not be friends with Remus Lupin._ _

It wasn't feasible. There was too much you couldn't forgive and too much history. It was foolish of you to have thought things could be anything like they were.

"Could you watch after Sweet-tooth for a bit," you asked Hagrid the next day as soon as class concluded.

"Oh sure! Where ya off to," he inquired.

"I have to talk with Professor Lupin," you sighed.

"Oh I see," Hagrid smiled knowingly. Sweet-tooth flew to his shoulder and mirrored his sly smile. It would have been amusing if you didn't have so much on your mind. "Have a good _talk _."__

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____

You thought about correcting him. Letting him know about your decision, but then he would try and stop you from distancing Lupin and you just weren't interested in being swayed. So you merely thanked him for taking Sweet-tooth and were on your way.

When you entered Lupin's classroom you were greeted only by the silence of hushed memories. Although Care of Magical Creatures had always been your specialty, you thoroughly enjoyed Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Both were classes your sister excelled at, and although you couldn't quite compete with her, it was where you two were most happy together. 

The room contained many relics you recognized from your own schooling, but the wardrobe that stood in the center was new. Well, it was an antique actually, but nonetheless strange.

The doors were mirrored and reflected your confused face back at you. You approached the wardrobe with crossed arms and quickly jumped back when it shook violently. Your heart hammered in your chest, but fear was quickly replaced by annoyance. You opened the door.

"Remus, what are you-"

Your tongue stopped working. You could feel the blood drain from your face as you stumbled back and Bellatrix Lestrange stepped out of the wardrobe. A giddy smile spread across her face upon recognizing you.

"Hello, love," she greeted breathily. "Been a while, hasn't it," she purred.

"How are you here?"

"My dear cousin took me with him out of Azkaban, of course." 

She sauntered towards you, but you maintained the small distance between you two. "We grew quite close over the years," she continued after seeing your awestruck silence. "Working for the same man and all," she shrugged.

"Sirius wouldn't do that!"

"THEN HOW AM I HERE," she boomed suddenly. It startled you into reaching for your wand and aiming it at her face. Her sudden fury dissipated into laughter.

"No need to be so defensive," she giggled. "I've already taken care of your little Lupin." Your heart dropped into your stomach.

"No," you breathed.

"Oh, don't worry," she said nonchalantly. "I didn't kill him. I won't kill you either."

"Where is he," you demanded.

"I did to him what I did to your sister," she explained simply, all with a smirk.

"Where is he," you repeated loudly, pushing your wand into her face. You wished your hand would stop shaking. 

She finally stopped walking.

"Do it," she hissed. "You know the spell. Go on. You know you want to." You made no move which only brought her more joy. "If you don't you'll have to keep on living knowing you could've stopped me."

The truth finally dawned on you.

"You're not real." She tilted her head curiously.

"And how do you figure that?"

Because you'd lived through your worst fear. You'd gained the family you'd always yearned for, only to have it ripped away. And you already lived with the shame of knowing there was something you could have done.

But you didn't say that.

"Because I know creatures and you're not hardly as terrifying as that monster," you sneered. "You're a Boggart."

You thought her smile would falter but it only grew more evil. She leaned towards you enticingly.

"Then cast the spell!"

"I can't remember it," you mumbled to yourself.

"Sure you do," she exclaimed. "I used it on everyone you cared about."

"Not that one," you hissed. "I need the one that gets rid of you!"

"Why? I know you want nothing more than to hurt me."

"You know nothing about me!" She took a dangerous step towards you.

"If I'm not real like you say then I know everything about you. I know how weak you are," she spat. "And how you easily you think something like death would cure all your problems."

"I can't die," you told her. 

"Why not? Because of your sister's boy," she mocked, pouting out her lower lip. "It's not like you were ever there for him like you promised her. What was her name? Alice?"

"Don't you dare say her name," you bellowed and took a brave step forward.

"Make me," she taunted and pushed your wand out of her face, so that you were nose to nose instead.

"If you don't stop me I'll torture everyone you've ever cared about. Starting with your nephew and ending with your werewolf." 

She grabbed your wrist and forced you to point your wand under her chin. "So cast the damn spell!"

"Riddikulus!"

A blast flew over your shoulder and knocked the woman back into the wardrobe where the doors closed after her. You whipped around to find Remus in the doorway. He called your name and ran towards you.

"Are you alrigh-"

You launched yourself into his chest and wrapped your arms around him tightly. He was stunned for a second before returning the gesture.

"Moony, I can't lose you. I can't lose anyone else." You buried your face in his chest and unabashedly inhaled his sent. "I can't believe I lost you." He slowly came to rest his chin on top of your head.

"You never did. You could never lose me, Twitch."


	7. Mandrake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! And so is this series! Sorry for the delay - life just be like that sometimes.

Both you and Sweet-tooth had managed to drag yourselves out of bed in time for breakfast. You still weren't getting as much sleep as you should, but at least today it seemed you could ignore the tired ache building up in your bones over the past few days.

"Good morning, boys," you greeted Hagrid and Lupin, happily plopping down in the empty seat between them. 

They returned the salutation and Sweet-tooth flew to Hagrid's shoulder in greeting. She eyed Remus warily, unsure of how to feel about him, before decidedly flying back to your shoulder.

You hummed a happy tune to yourself while you picked up a piece of toast and spread jam across it. Your good mood put an amused smile on Lupin's face and Hagrid took notice as well.

"Someone's 'n good sorts today," Hagrid commented bemusedly. You took a hearty bite or your breakfast and held it out for Sweet-tooth to do the same.

"I'm guessing it has something to do with the fact she's visiting the Reserve this weekend," Remus posed. You hummed in agreement hardly trying to conceal your excitement.

"Oh! Ya must be lookin' forward t'that," Hagrid exclaimed.

"You have no idea," you spoke through your mouthful of toast.

It had been nearly a month since you'd left your beloved Reserve to teach, and although Rolf Scamander sent you an owl nearly every other day, it hardly did anything to satisfy how much you missed those you left behind. Let alone how worried you were about them.

“Well, I hope you enjoy yourself,” Lupin said sincerely, although he smiled tightly.

You hardly noticed his silence compared to how talkative you were. You nearly choked in your effort to both rush through breakfast and tell Hagrid about the Reserve at the same time.

It was a place of refuge for both you and all creatures. A place where you could be sure everyone there would be taken care of.

“I’ll be sure to have you visit, Hagrid,” you chugged your juice before standing to your feet.

“Why, that’d be lovely it would,” he grinned ear to ear.

“Well, I’m off! I'll see you in class, Hagrid,” you waved to the pair as you left the table.

“See ya there,” Hagrid called meanwhile Lupin waved goodbye silently.

Class was agonizingly slow. You had nothing against Fire Crabs, but compared to the other multitudes of creatures you worked with, the crabs were dull. The most exciting aspect of class was taping oven mitts to your nephew's hands, so he could avoid getting burned. Well, burned _more _.__

__The Sun was setting by the time you returned to your quarters. Sweet-tooth was exhausted from dodging flames all day and promptly collapsed on your bed to sleep while you finished packing._ _

__You’d left your open suitcase on your bed, but the contents were scattered more half-hazardedly than you recalled leaving them. A Niffler sat in the middle of the mess, and you chastised him kindly, knowing he wasn’t _entirely _to blame for the disarray. You never quite knew what you would need for the creatures and hated the concept of leaving anything behind.___ _

_____ _

____

A knock came from your door just as you picked up the small creature. You turned away from your suitcase and opened the door with a smile.

"Why good evening, Professor-"

Snape let himself into your room without so much as a word. You closed the door with a furrowed brow.

"I will ask you this once and once only," he interlocked his fingers and held his hands in front of his stomach. "Did you let Sirius Black onto Hogwarts grounds?"

You blinked at him, stunned into confusion. If he were anyone else you’d ask if he were joking. You set the Niffler on the ground. It looked up at you, disgruntled, until you reached into the depths of your cloak and pulled out a shiny pocket watch. 

You watched the Niffler's eyes light up as you handed it the treasure. A soft smile made its way to your face when you watched it scamper away to add the watch to it's klepto-collection. The smile faded when your eyes connected with Snape's.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not leaving Hogwarts this weekend," you tried to sound lighthearted despite the fact all air had left your lungs.

"Please answer the question, Professor Longbottom," he implored monotonously.

"Of course I didn't let Sirius in," you answered. He moved to leave, but you stepped into his path. "Did something happen?"

He stared at you levelly before deciding to humor you with an answer.

"Yes."

Once again he tried to leave, but you stayed put with a roll of your eyes.

"Rusty," you groaned, crossing your arms. "Don't be difficult." He huffed in apparent annoyance, but decidedly relented.

"According to the Fat Lady it would seem the Gryffindor Common Room was attacked by none other than Sirius Black." Your narrowed gaze quickly faded into one of shock. "But of course you wouldn't know anything about that, so if you don't mind, I'll be on my way."

You didn't stop him when he moved past you.

"He was really inside Hogwarts?" Snape paused in your doorway. You hadn't turned to look at him, and you'd said it more to yourself than anything, but he responded anyway.

"So it would seem."

He left you to let the weight of it all crash down on you. It was a mixture of fear and hope, but Sirius wasn't your priority in life anymore. Someone else was.

You dashed out of your bedroom leaving Sweet-tooth to sleep soundly by herself. Snape said there'd been an attack on the _Gryffindor _Common Room. The very place you'd lived during your schooling, and now it was where your nephew resided.__

____

__

You flew through the halls on muscle memory. In your youth, you ran through these corridors to flee from whatever professor you and your friends had the misfortune of driving mad. You almost didn't register that you were passing one of said friends.

"Remus," you gasped and screeched to a hault. He looked to you with a mild bewilderment. "Have you heard about..." You trailed off, for some reason not allowing yourself to finish your sentence.

"Unfortunately, yes," Lupin nodded gravely.

"I was just on my way to check on Neville," you said. 

You hadnt talked much to your nephew outside of class since school started, but apparently Lupin had taken a shine to him. Neville was more than a little timid, and Remus always had a soft spot for people like him. 

"Good luck," he wished you well and swiftly made his way down the hall before you could offer him to accompany you.

This time you noticed his curtness, but you didn't have the time to properly address it. He'd acted strange that morning, too. Maybe you were just paranoid after last night. 

The Boggart incident had left you uneasy to say the least. And it left your relationship with Remus...uneasy as well. You were friends again, and that you didn't regret, but there had been a moment just before you released each other from the hug...

The Great Hall was ridden with displaced Gryffindors. Their Common Room had been deemed as unsafe, and so, the young Gryffindors would spend the night in the large room under the protective watch of the professors and Headmaster himself.

The students whispered amongst each other in cliques, each with their own rumor to share. You pushed past them in search of your nephew trying your best to ignore the murmurs about _'that evil Sirius Black.'_

__Eventually, you found Neville amongst the throng and sighed in relief. You called his name and he barely had any time to register it was you before he was in your arms._ _

__The hug was quick and caught the both of you off guard. He didn't even have time to return the gesture before you were holding him at arm's length.__

 _ _"Are you alright," you asked. "I mean, I know Sirius wouldn't do anything, at least I hope not, but I heard what happened-"_ _

__"I'm alright. Honest," Neville interrupted your worrying._ _

__"Good," you nodded. "That's good." You both stood in silence for a moment, neither of you quite sure what to say next. Gryffindors continued murmuring around you._ _

__"Why do you call him by his first name," Neville asked with a furrowed brow. "It's not the first time you've done that." You mulled over the loaded question and glanced at the bustling students surrounding you.__

__"Why don't we go for a walk," you suggested._ _

__You put an arm around his shoulders to lead him out of the room. Once in the corridor you took back your arm and fell silent again before taking a deep breath._ _

__"I knew him. Sirius Black, I mean," you clarified. Neville looked to you in terror and it nearly made you laugh if the whole situation wasn't so grim. "Don't worry. He's not what everyone makes him out to be."_ _

__"What is he then," Neville wrinkled his nose._ _

__"He was a friend," you responded simply. "We attended Hogwarts together. Along with Professor Lupin, Mr. Potter's father, and a boy by the name of Peter Pettigrew. We were all quite close."_ _

__"What was he like," Neville inquired, not sure what else to ask._ _

__"Oh, he was quite the trouble maker, I'll give him that," you chuckled. "But we all were. He was reckless, but a good friend. Not at all what the world makes him out to be. I probably shouldn't be telling you all this, though, so let's just keep this between us."_ _

__Neville nodded slowly in understanding. A new question dawned on him._ _

__"You were a trouble maker?"_ _

__Suddenly, you were laughing out loud. The unexpected reaction startled Neville, but he slowly relaxed into a weary smile._ _

__"Oh, the worst," you confirmed. "Your mother had her hands full with me," you shook your head. "I suppose that's the older sister's job," you shrugged._ _

__Neville swallowed dryly. You were like a wild deer when it came to talking about his parents: any sudden movements or questions and you'd dash away. He had to choose his questions carefully._ _

__"Was it like that when you were kids?" Your brow rose at the question._ _

__"Oh, I didn't meet your mother until I started my schooling at Hogwarts." At the confused look on Neville's face you continued. "We had the same father, but my mother was a Muggle and Alice's was a witch. Our father got _my _mum pregnant when Alice was just a year old. I stayed with my mother in the Muggle World. Meanwhile, Alice was raised here."_ _ __

__

__

__"I had no idea," Neville mumbled in awe. You nodded in understanding._ _

__"Our father was married to Alice's mum, but ended up not being involved in either of our lives. I didn't even know what your mother looked like until I started school."_ _

__"I always thought you two were so close."_ _

__"Oh, we were! I wasn't sure what she would think of me when we met, but it was simple. School didn't come as easily to me as it did for her, so she became my tutor and when I wasn't with the boys I was with her." Now you were laughing again. "I remember after one night out with the boys she had to heal-" You stopped yourself as realization hit._ _

__"What happened?"_ _

__"Professor Lupin wasn't feeling very good that night..." you stared into space before your eyes locked with Neville's. "I'm afraid I have to go."_ _

__Neville's shoulders sagged in obvious disappointment. He didn't know what he said to make you want to leave, but you laid a hand on his shoulder in reassurance. "We'll continue this conversation later this weekend."_ _

__"Aren't you going out of town this weekend?"_ _

__"I think it's best I stay put for now."_ _

__Neville returned to the Great Hall while you made your way to a certain teacher's quarters. It was a relief to know he wasn't acting strange because of you, but the reality of his discomfort was worse. You knocked on the door to his quarters and Remus opened the door._ _

__"Good evening, Remus," you greeted. He said your name in obvious confusion. "May I come in?"_ _

__"Of course," he stepped aside to allow you in. His room didn't have many belongings save for books and scattered, worn clothes hung on lonely hangers. You turned around to face him._ _

__"I thought you'd be back at the rehabilitation center by now," he stated upon shutting his door._ _

__"The timing didn't seem right," you shrugged. "It would have been a short trip, anyway. I was planning on coming back before Sunday night."_ _

__"Why so short," he asked. Hope sparked in his chest, but he knew better than to have such a childish sentiment._ _

__"You didn't honestly think I would let you spend the full moon by yourself," you crossed your arms. He said your name lowly._ _

__"You don't have to do that."_ _

__"Remus Lupin," you huffed in a no nonsense tone. "I did not keep a Mandrake leaf under my tongue for an entire month just for you to tell me I can't turn into a bloody rabbit!" Lupin saw the obvious annoyance on your features and couldn't help but burst into laughter._ _

__"And what's so funny," you demanded._ _

__"Only you would get mad for being told to stay away from a werewolf," he chuckled. You felt a blush rise to your cheeks and crossed your arms tighter._ _

__"Yeah, well, it's not like I'd do it for just any werewolf."_ _

__It's true. Remus knew you well enough to understand how you showed you cared. It wasn't with words or gifts, but actions. You were dependable, loyal, and despite what you thought, kind._ _

__Last night with the Boggart you'd caught him off guard. He could probably count on one hand the number of times you blatantly told him how you felt._ _

_"Moony, I can't lose you." ___

__He reassured you that would never happen and when he looked down at you he felt a familiar spark from all those years ago._ _

___For a moment he could have sworn you felt it, too, but before he could even think about closing the gap between you two you were out of his arms. Not this time._ _ _

___Lupin quietly wrapped his arms around you. You froze for a moment, but ultimately returned the hug, slowly wrapping your arms around his neck. He pulled back to look you in the eyes. He gently cupped your cheek which immediately flooded your face with unwelcome warmth. It wasn't often you blushed, but it'd been happening a lot these past few days._ _ _

___"Thank you," Lupin spoke sweetly._ _ _

___"Any-" you cleared your suddenly dry throat. "Anytime."___

___You stood frozen and barely breathing, afraid to break the moment, but also anxiety riddled at what could happen. The tension was worse than the previous night._ _ _

___Lupin's hands slowly slid from behind your back to rest on your waist. Your arms had once embraced him, but now loosely entangled his neck._ _ _

___He looked down at you gently. His eyes glistened with a familiar kindness. His lips bore the ghost of a smile, and even though his room was a bit dim, you could see the scars outlining his face. Everything in that moment about him was...beautiful._ _ _

___You should take your arms away from his neck. You should wish him a good night and find Neville again. You should stop things before they go too far._ _ _

___That's what you should have done._ _ _

___Instead, you watched him lean forward with half lidded eyes. Instead, he pulled you tight against him. Instead, your fingers combed through his hair and you could feel his breath against your lips._ _ _

___Instead, you waited until the last second to turn your face away from his._ _ _

___ _

___His lips brushed against your cheek before he pulled back in confusion._ _ _

___ _

___“I should get back to the Great Hall. The students will be going to bed soon.” You turned to leave, but Lupin called after you._ _ _

___ _

___“I didn’t mean to-“_ _ _

___ _

___“I’ll see you Sunday night,” you cut him off._ _ _

___ _

___With that you left his room and found yourself alone. Again._ _ _

___ _

___Always alone._ _ _

_____ _


	8. Flashback: Amortentia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is hard! My username is sporadicwriter for a reason lmao, but I have every intention of finishing this story even if not updated consistently. Enjoy this flashback while I continue working on the next chapter!

The library was a quiet sanctuary for most students. That is, unless you were there. Feverishly cramming for Potions and harshly whispering to Severus on the other side of the table was more than a bit distracting.

"Who on Earth would boil a horned slug," you hissed in disgust.

"Perhaps those that would like to cure their boils," Snape snapped in annoyance. He'd been answering your endless questions for the past hour.

"But that's so inhumane," you exclaimed.

Madame Pince shushed you as well as several of your peers. Snape slammed his book shut to stare at you pointedly.

"Oh, don't be cross, Rusty," you both teased and pleaded. "I'm just trying to cram as much as I can before class."

"Perhaps you wouldn't have to cram if you simply paid attention to the lecture," he growled.

"But it's so droll," you grumbled. "And it's simply not right using all these creatures in potions."

"Yes, well, imagine if we didn't have those ingredients to make brews such as, oh, I don't know...Wolfsbane Potion?"

You looked at him strangely to find he was staring past your shoulder. You turned around to find Remus had just entered the library. He looked around in search of something before his eyes landed on you. A wide smile spread across his face and he made his way towards your table.

"Point taken," you responded lowly as Remus approached.

"Hello, Twitch," Lupin stopped beside your chair. "Severus," he nodded in greeting.

"Remus," Snape responded before tilting his head. "You look tired." Lupin shifted uncomfortably, but without missing a beat you kicked Snape underneath the table. He struggled to withhold his cry of pain and went to rub his throbbing shin.

"How'd you know I was here," you looked up at Remus from your chair.

"I could hear you all the way in the corridor," he smirked knowingly. "You have some very strong feelings about horned slugs."

"Please don't get her started again," Severus sighed. "Don't you have to get to class?"

You glanced at Remus before grabbing your textbook and standing.

"Thanks for helping me study, Rusty." He waved you off before promptly reopening his book. Your gaze lingered on him sadly before you turned and walked out of the library with Remus (much to the delight of Madame Pince).

Both you and Lupin shared the same Potions class with Snape, but so did James and Sirius (and less importantly Peter). Past experience had taught you it was best to keep that troublesome pair away from your Slytherin friend.

"Since when have taken such an interest in potions," Lupin inquired. The two of you slowly made your way to class, walking past several of your peers.

"Alice said there would be a pop quiz today," you informed him.

Although it was at times frustrating how talented your older sister was at just about everything, her expertise didn't come without its perks to you. She was just as skilled at potions as Lily, which allowed both your friends into Professor Slughorn's inner circle.

"Hm," Remus hummed in thought. "So you didn't eat breakfast today." You raised your brow at the statement.

"How'd you know?"

"You never eat when you study," he shook his head kindly. "Here," he dug around in his school bag and produced a bar of chocolate. He promptly unwrapped it and broke off a piece to hand to you. "It's not much, but it's better than nothing."

You accepted the treat gratefully. His fingers brushed yours which shouldn't make you smile, but it did. An arm wrapped around your shoulders that didn't belong to Remus.

"Oi, where's my chocolate," Sirius whined.

"Me too," James chimed in on the other side of Lupin. He mirrored Sirius and had his arm wrapped around Remus. Peter trailed beside James, but he offered no greeting.

"Chocolate is for those who mind their studies," Lupin smirked wryly.

"And pray tell what are we studying for," James inquired.

"There's going to be a pop quiz in Potions," you informed him.

"Oh, and did Snivellus tell you that," Sirius asked bemused. Without hesitation you thrust your elbow painfully into his ribs. He unwrapped his arm from your shoulders with a disgruntled cry of pain.

"Piss off," you ordered him. Sirius pouted while Remus put a hand on your shoulder. Both in silent support, but also to make sure you didn't start yet another fight with your best friend.

"Alice told her," Lupin informed your friends.

"Great," Peter sighed in disappointment. 

The class before yours let out just as you and your group approached. In the throng of students leaving you found your sister and beside her was Lily.

"Alice," you called. Her eyes landed on you and she smiled warmly before she said your name in greeting.

"Is the quiz as bad as you said," you grimaced. Your sister shared a guilty look with Lily.

"About that..." Alice started. 

"What," you asked crossly.

"I may have embellished the quiz a bit."

"What do you mean," you narrowed your eyes. Alice looked to Lily for help.

"There is no quiz," Lily informed you. Confusion settled over you slowly.

"What do you mean there's no quiz."

"I was just trying to get you to study for the OWL," Alice rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably. James and Sirius started laughing before you could get too upset.

"Looks like you've got more time to study," James prodded you. Lily shot him a pointed look.

"Or not study," Sirius snickered. The pair of them giggled under your angry gaze. You glanced at Peter who's cheeky grin never failed to piss you off. Lupin knew you would snap at any second and pulled the boys away into class.

"We'll save you a seat," he nodded before disappearing into the room. You crossed your arms and looked at your sister expectantly.

"I'll meet you in the Common Room," Lily said to Alice before waving bye to you and scurrying down the corridor.

"I'll make it up to you," Alice pleaded.

"And how do you propose doing that," you scoffed. Alice checked to make sure the coast was clear before lowering her voice.

"I can't give you the answer, but I can give you a hint."

"What are you on about?"

"Today, there's not exactly a quiz, but it is a bit of a challenge. I helped Slughorn come up with it," she shrugged humbly. "Your hint is simple." She paused ever so dramatically, so you rolled your eyes.

"Out with it then," you huffed.

"Remus Lupin." You waited for her to continue, but that's all she said.

"Remus," you questioned. Alice nodded silently. "That's all I'll give you. Now go! You're late."

She pushed you into the silent classroom and slammed the door after you before you could prod more information out her, ever the pushover. Professor Slughorn stopped speaking midsentence to face you.

"Ah," he greeted you with a chastising grin. "Nice of you to join us." You heard the snickers of James and Sirius over the sound of your mumbled apology and scuttled to join their table.

"Now that we're all here let's continue with today's lesson," Slughorn smiled, but there was a snideness behind it. You didn't excel at Potions, but you'd think your relation to Alice would give you some credit, especially since the Professor takes a shine to teaching whole collections of families. Unfortunately, and although he'd never say it outright, it oftentimes seemed like Slughorn may be just the slightest bit disappointed that you were a halfblood while Alice was pure.

You knew your friends didn't care about matters such as blood relations even despite Sirius' family history of hating mud bloods. He was always the first to ease your worries of blood status. Sure, Remus was a half blood as well, but he grew up in the Wizarding World and sometimes it felt like there was no place for you in that world (or even the Muggle one). Meanwhile, you were raised by a Muggle mother who didn't sign up for all of this magic business. You wondered how she was doing these days...

"Today you will all be participating in a challenge. A game of sorts," Slughorn smirked. Your group's ears perked up at the word _game _. "All you have to do is tell me what potion this is," he gestured to the cauldron in front of him. "Each of you have the same brew at your own table. Whoever wins this challenge will receive some much needed extra credit. Good luck!"__

____

____

"Professor," Remus raised his hand. "How are we to guess the potion? We don't know any of the ingredients."

"No need to know the ingredients, my boy," Slughorn responded. "Just pay attention to the smell," he winked. With that the Professor sat at his desk to grade papers for another class. Slughorn may give you a hard time, but not many realized just how much of a procrastinator he was. According to Alice he was often busy searching for rare potion ingredients and spending too much time at The Three Broomsticks. 

Sirius and James shouldered past each other to be the first to shove their face in the cauldron. Sirius won the short battle and inhaled deeply.

"Smells like piss," he wrinkled his nose after extracting himself from the pot. James went next and sniffed the potion with less enthusiasm than before.

"No it doesn't," he countered. Sirius broke out into a wide grin.

"Yeah, but you still smelt it. What ya wanna smell piss for?" James shoved Sirius nearly off his stool before inhaling the potion again.

"It actually smells...nice."

"What, the piss?" Peter asked which made Sirius chuckle.

"No," James shook his head absentmindedly. "It's kinda like..." he looked to you. "You know that smell on the Quidditch field just after it rains and the air is still foggy so you dive through the mist on your broom?"

You were the only other person in your group of friends on the Quidditch team and scrunched your brow at the specificity of what he was describing, but nodded nonetheless. You knew the smell well.

"It smells like that."

"Well, I don't know about all that," Sirius interjected. "But I smell Firewhisky and the perfume those Hulfflepuff girls wear in Transfiguration," he sighed in content. James raised a brow at his friend's answer. "Moony get over here. We need a tiebreaker," Sirius ordered. Remus moved to stand between his friends and wafted the smell towards him.

"Well," Sirius waited for the answer expectantly. A light blush dusted his cheeks he hoped no one noticed. Remus cleared his throat.

"I don't smell much. Mostly just parchment and chocolate."

"Ugh," Sirius groaned. "Boring."

"Well, there is one other thing, but, um..." Remus glanced at you nervously before gesturing to the cauldron. "Twitch, why don't you try," he suggested.

"Alright," you said as you approached the brew. You watched tendrils of shimmering vapors rise from it's surface. "So far you lot think it smells like Quidditch, Firewhisky and women," Sirius winked at you, so you shook your head with a smirk. "As well as chocolate and parchment." Everyone nodded in confirmation, so with that in mind, you smelled the concoction. You paused a minute before announcing, "It smells like none of those things."

Everyone groaned in disappointment.

"What do you think it smells like, then," James inquired. You sniffed in thought.

"The forest," you shrugged.

"The forest," Sirius considered your answer.

"Hm, I mean, maybe a bit," James smelled the potion again.

"I don't smell the forest at all," Peter spoke up.

"I'm not going to even bother asking what you smell, Wormtail," you said with a roll of your eyes. "To me it smells like the forest, the beginning of Autumn, and - _oh my god _."__

____

____

Everyone was startled by your sudden horror. You stood stock still while your friends tried prodding an answer out of you.

Remus. Remus is your hint. And there was only one potion that's smell would vary in such a way depending on who smelt it.

"Professor," you raised your hand. Slughorn looked up from his work. "The potion is Amortentia." He blinked in silent surprise before standing to his feet.

"Very good," he exclaimed. "And what brought you to that conclusion?"

"It smells different to everyone according to what, um," you shuffled. "Attracts them."

"Wonderful! And what is the effect of Amortentia?"

"It's the most powerful love potion in existence." Who knew studying could pay off?

"Correct! Of course, it can't imitate actual love, that would be impossible. The potion merely creates temporary obsession over whomever administered it." You nodded in understanding. "Perhaps there is some of your sister in you after all," he beamed after what you were sure he considered a compliment. "Ten points to Gryffindor and extra credit to you," he nodded. "Well, that's the lesson. Class dismissed!"

Everyone in class began packing up their things. As you put the strap of your bag over your shoulder you found yourself trying to avoid looking at Lupin. Instead you found yourself drifting away from the table to a more secluded spot where Snape sat alone. He didn't bother looking up as you approached. He made no move to pack up either. He just sat there: reading.

"Why didn't you tell Slughorn what the potion was," you asked. When he didn't respond immediately you added, "I know you knew what it was." He silently turned the page of his book.

"Do you really think I need extra credit?"

"Fair enough," you nodded. When you made no move to leave he shut his book with a reluctant sigh.

"I know where this is going."

"What," you asked indignantly. " _I _don't even know where this is going."__

____

____

"You're so obvious it physically pains me," he groaned and put his chin in his hand. "I know what you smelled," he lamented before you could interrupt him.

You chanced a look back at your table. Sirius was obviously giving Remus a hard time about something, but the pair were both smiling. You turned back to Snape.

"What does it mean?" Snape stood to his feet.

"It means you're daft." He shoved his book into his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"Did you smell-"

"Don't," he cut you off suddenly cross. "Just...don't."

"Oi, Twitch," James called to you. "Let's go get in some practice!" You stood still for a moment longer.

"Bye, Rusty." You took a couple steps away before adding, "...I'm sorry." You rejoined the group and made your way out of the classroom.

"My dear, Twitch," Sirius put an arm around your shoulder. "I was talking to Moony about that last scent he smelled and I was curious as to what yours was?" The question seemed innocent enough, but you knew better than to think such things of Sirius. You glanced at Lupin talking with James both sporting grins. Peter trailed after the pair.

"What's it to you, Padfoot," you inquired with narrowed eyes. He put his hands over his heart in feign innocence.

"Can't a friend ask a simple question without being attacked?"

"A friend? Sure. You? No," you smirked deviously. Sirius laughed.

"I just wanted to know if you happened to smell, oh, I don't know...someone we know?" You eyed him warily.

"And pray to tell who would that someone be?"

"Perhaps someone in our group! Like me, or maybe even...Lupin." The surprise disappeared from your face as soon as it appeared. You didn't want to give Padfoot the satisfaction.

"Did Remus day he smelled me," you tried not to sound too interested, but Sirius knew you well. He was obviously enjoying this conversation.

"I believe I asked a question first." You stared at his smug face before relenting and groaning inwardly.

"Even if I did smell Remus or if he smelled me it wouldn't mean anything," you huffed.

"Oh, Moony didn't smell you," Sirius replied nonchalantly.

"Oh," was all you said, disappointment evident in your voice. "Well, what did he smell then?" You tried not to seem to interested, but again, failed miserably.

"Rabbit fur," Sirius smirked.

Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and yours truly - Twitch.

A werewolf, a rat, a dog, a deer, and of course, a jackalope.


	9. Kneazle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hagrid hears more about your past and you try to make sense of what’s happening with you and Remus.

You dashed down the thankfully empty corridor with a rigid gaze set dead ahead, afraid that if you looked behind you'd find Remus trailing after. You were silently grateful there were no students around to see their Professor with tail tucked between her legs.

The Great Hall was filled with sleeping Gryffindors under the protective watch of your cohorts by the time you arrived. You turned to leave, but that ever so familiar and wise voice stopped you.

"Professor Longbottom," Dumbledore greeted from the doorway. You faced him fully and glanced to the austere form of Snape beside him. "Please, join us," he ushered. 

You thought about declining the offer, but you knew Dumbledore was persuasive, and ultimately you decided spending time with them was better than alone - at least for tonight.

"What have you been up to this evening," Dumbledore inquired, leisurely beginning to stroll through the Great Hall past the sleeping forms of his students. Severus saw the guilty look on your face and spoke before you could.

"Isn't it obvious," he snorted. "She was with Professor Lupin."

"Is that so," Dumbledore asked with a kind raise of his brow.

"It is," you nodded, hoping not to reveal anything else. You glared at Snape but he merely stared back emptily.

"How nice. I was hoping the two of you would reconnect." At this you furrowed your brow.

"Sir, I've been meaning to ask you something..."

"Yes?"

"Why is it you told me Remus would be returning to Hogwarts, but you didn't tell him I would as well?"

"Ah," he said as if he expected this question. "As I'm sure you are aware - Professor Lupin has always been a bit of an...overthinker," the headmaster explained. 

Snape rolled his eyes, but you resisted the urge to shoot him a dirty look, focused on Dumbledore. 

"And although he was excited to become a professor I was concerned that the addition of your complicated friendship would be too much for him." You nodded slowly in understanding.

Too much. Somehow you were always too much. Your own mother was too overwhelmed with your strangeness in adolescence. She’d disowned you long ago. 

You weren't welcome in her world anymore, and it often seemed you weren't meant for the Wizarding World either - regarded as strange by many for caring about the creatures you loved.

Oh, the woes of being a half blood.

"I see," you said. "And you don't find me to be an overthinker?"

"You don't think at all," Snape grumbled. You stuck your tongue out at him which drew a hearty chuckle from Dumbledore.

"I must say I've missed having you around, Professor Longbottom," the headmaster smiled. "Perhaps we may continue this conversation over a cup of tea soon?"

"I'd like that very much," you smiled. It had been a long time since you sat down with your mentor. 

"I'm quite pleased Professor Lupin has returned as well, aren't you?" 

He wasn't exactly prying for information, but you knew what he was getting at. Why did everyone always want to know about you and Remus? How come no one ever asked how your litter of Knarls was doing?

"Of course," you nodded. "He's a wonderful colleague."

"Ah," Dumbledore raised an eyebrow alongside his ghost of a smirk. "Colleagues."

"Well, yes, I don't think...well...you know..." you sputtered.

"Headmaster, would you excuse us for a moment," Snape requested before dragging you out of the hall by your wrist. He stopped just outside of the doorway.

"Here," Snape thrust a small vial into your hands. "Smell this."

"What is it," you inspected the small bottle by holding it up to the light. The liquid inside was clear, but contained shimmering sparkles almost like glitter.

"Just smell it would you," Snape huffed impatiently crossing his arms.

Reluctantly, but equally as curious, you popped the cork off the tiny bottle only to be met with more confusion at the scent.

"Why do you have a vial of Lupin's cologne," you looked at Snape strangely.

That," Snape snatched back the vial and replaced the cork. "is Amortentia."

Your face visibly paled as your mouth went dry. You stared at the bottle in Snape's hand and realized there was no mistaking that iridescent liquid.

"No," you shook your head in mortification. "No no no," you put your face in your hands.

"Nothing has changed, Professor Longbottom," Snape explained plainly and pocketed the vial in his cloak. He moved to go back in the room, but you called to him.

"That doesn't have to mean anything, though...right?" He spun around and approached you angrily.

"Enough," he hissed. "I refuse to listen to your love stricken tales of woe any longer. I dealt with it for years and I'm tired of the endless drivel. I've already made it quite clear what it is I think you should do, but we both know that you'll do as you please and that means entangling yourself with the likes of Remus Lupin."

He returned to the Great Hall and left you in the corridor to register the full weight of his words. 

As much as you didn't want to admit it he had a point. The back and fourth was getting on your own nerves as well, but you'd closed that chapter of your life. 

At least you thought you had, but it seemed like it wasn't a problem that would simply go away with you ignoring it.

Still wary of being alone you went to the only place you could think of. You made your way out of the castle to be met by the crisp and cool night air. Taking a steadying breath you made your way to the grounds and onto the stoop of Hagrid's hut.

Nervously biting your lip you knocked on the giant door. At first you were greeted only by silence, so you knocked again. You heard booming footsteps shuffling around inside before the door finally opened a crack. Obvious relief flooded Hagrid's features.

"Ah, Professor Longbottom, it's jus' you," he sighed, opening the door fully.

"Expecting someone," you raised a brow.

"Not exactly, jus'...erm...why don't ya come in?" He practically dragged you inside before shutting the door and promptly deadbolting it. You watched him in silent bewilderment.

"Is everything alright," you inquired warily, not entirely sure if you wanted to know the answer.

"I've jus’ been a 'lil on edge what with Buckbeak's trial comin' up n' all," Hagrid explained. "Who knows what other creatures they're gonna try 'n take from me."

"Ugh, I keep forgetting about the trial," you groaned, dragging your hands down your face with an exasperated breath. "I suppose Lucius will be there?"

"I'd assume so," Hagrid nodded gravely.

"What did I ever see in that man," you shook your head. Two months you'd dated that half wit. Two months of your life you would never get back.

"You were jus' a kid," Hagrid reasoned.

"Yes, well, a stupid one apparently," you chuckled dryly before your brow scrunched up in realization. "Wait...what other creatures do you think the Ministry will take from you?" The large man's eyes widened with regret. 

"I shouldn't 'ave said that," Hagrid mumbled, wringing his hands together. You raised an undeterred brow. 

"Hagrid," you said calmly. "It's me."

Hagrid's worried gaze met yours where he saw that familiar and mischievous glint. His anxieties melted away at the sight of the smirk you wore. He should have known better than to hide something like this from you. 

"Yer right. I'm sorry," he apologized. "Follow me." 

He led you to his kitchen where he rifled inside of the cupboards in search of something. "I wasn't sure who was as the door, so I had t' hide it," he explained. 

With a small _aha _he pulled out a small key. He crossed the kitchen to lead you into his living room where he stopped in front of a drawer.__

__He paused briefly to glance at you with impish excitement before he put the key in it's lock on the drawer. It twisted it with a small _click _and Hagrid slowly slid open the drawer. He gestured for you to come near.___ _

___"Lil' thing fell asleep since it was dark 'n there," he whispered sweetly. You looked inside to immediately be filled with giddiness.___

___"An Albino Kneazle," you exclaimed as quietly as you could in your controlled excitement._ _ _

___The creature was still a kitten, but smaller than that of a typical, healthy Kneazle. They often resembled that of a Muggle's cat with larger ears and lion's tail. Their fur was almost always speckled or spotted in pattern, but that was not the case with this little one. The coat was completely smooth and perfectly white with no pattern at all._ _ _

___"I'nt she beautiful," Hagrid asked proudly._ _ _

___"Stunning," you breathed._ _ _

___Apparently the kitten could feel eyes on her and awoke with a large yawn, exposing her miniature fangs. She produced a large stretch for someone of her tiny stature, claws digging into her makeshift bed, before looking up at you with big, crystal blue eyes._ _ _

___Kneazles weren't usually aggressive creatures, but they were incredibly smart, and reknowned for their uncanny ability to detect suspicious and distrustful people. Albino Kneazles were incredibly rare, and believed to have heightened telepathic abilities albeit with more health problems.___

 _ _ _The kitten tilted her heard at the sight of you - seemingly trying to decide what kind of a person you were._ _ _

___For some reason you found yourself holding your breath. Both you and Hagrid waited impatiently for the Kneazle's decision and it didn't take long before the kitten let out a small, but firm, meow._ _ _

___The pair of you exhaled relieved sighs before exchanging happy smiles._ _ _

___"Why don't ya hold her," Hagrid suggested.___

 _ _ _Your smile grew wider as you reached into the drawer without hesitation and cradled the tired creature in your arms. She graced you with content purrs as you began to rub her belly with a soft smile._ _ _

___"Ya two look good together," Hagrid commented sweetly. Your smile faltered for a moment. "Do you think Professor Lupin and I are friends," you asked suddenly._ _ _

__

__

____

____

"Why o'course! Ya've always been close."

"Yes, but do you think we're..." you steeled yourself with a clearing of your throat to prepare for how childish you were about to sound. "...more than friends, I mean," you corrected through nearly gritted teeth. 

Hagrid stared at you seriously and admittedly uncomfortable.

"Why don't I make us a cuppa," he suggested.

"Got anything stronger?" 

Hagrid nodded quickly before ushering you to take a seat at his kitchen table. You settled the kitten into your lap while your friend dug around in his cupboards. 

He returned with a bottle of golden liquid and two glasses. He poured you a drink that you downed immediately.

"Wha's this all about," Hagrid asked as he took his seat across from you. 

"Do you think I'm in love with Professor Lupin?" 

Whatever Hagrid gave you was strong and acted fast - you supposed it had to be if it were meant to affect a giant. 

Nonetheless, you quickly covered your mouth at your own bluntness. Even Hagrid watched you with wide eyes. "It's just...everyone else seems to think so."

You could feel your cheeks burning and Hagrid tried to help you by clearing his throat.

"Well, I s'pose only you can answer that." He poured himself a drink and took a sip. Or two. 

"Snape tricked me into smelling Amortentia and I thought it was Lupin's cologne," you admitted. 

Hagrid just about choked on his drink, but you continued. "I'm just frustrated because I thought I was past all this. And even if I did have feelings for Remus, which I'm not saying I do," you added quickly before Hagrid got the wrong idea. "but if I did...it wouldn't mean anything."

"Well, why not," he asked inquisitively. You thought it over before taking a deep breath. You told Hagrid a lot of things, but relationships and love...these were memories you'd kept guarded. 

"There were things that happened in our...relationship," you chose your words carefully. "That really...hurt." Hagrid nodded silently. You took another drink.

"I know how hard things were for you after everything with Sirius."

"It wasn't just that," you sighed. Hagrid's brow knit together in confusion. 

You'd known Hagrid since before your Order of the Phoenix days, although that is most definitely where your friendship was secured. With everyone unsure of who to trust you'd turned to Hagrid for aid and there your bond was formed. 

He was one of very few people you kept in touch with after the Order disbanded and just about the only person you could speak with honestly. That didn't mean you told him everything.

"Things weren't the same after Alice. I wasn't the same. The Potters and Sirius were just the icing on the cake," you rubbed your hands down your face before leaning back in your chair and crossing your arms. "I was the one who found Alice and Frank being tortured."

Every member of the Order knew that. They also remembered how you wouldn't talk for days. 

You could see it as if it were just yesterday. It happened in their own home with their one-year-old son inside of his crib. You and Lupin had popped by for a visit and could hear the screams all the way from outside. 

"Lupin managed to back Rodolphus and Barty Jr into a corner," you explained. "But Bellatrix was still there. Using that wretched curse," you shut your eyes. Her wicked laughter still haunted your dreams. 

"I got her away from them, but Alice just wouldn't stop crying and Frank couldn't move...something took over me." You opened your eyes to find your cheeks felt wet. "I gave everything I had into hurting Bellatrix," you nodded darkly. "And I wanted to...I could have..." 

Hagrid waited for you to continue, but you let your words fade into the empty air. 

"But ya didn't." 

"Lupin stopped me," you shrugged. "He stopped me and I wished he hadn't and it tore us apart."

You looked down at the kitten that had fallen asleep in your lap some time ago. You understood why Hagrid had to protect her. People would want to use her for their own gain and that included the Ministry. They wouldn't understand her.

"Do you still wish he hadn't stopped you," Hagrid asked after a bout of silence. Again, you shrugged. 

"I don't think it's wrong for bad things to happen to bad people."

And if that made you a bad person then so be it. Hagrid raised his glass. 

"I'll drink t' that." You offered a dejected smile and raised your glass as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you learned a little more about Professor Longbottom. Keep an eye out for next chapter! You might settle this whole Lupin debacle once and for all.


	10. Jackalope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing with you and Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor change: reader’s animagus is a jackalope! Not a jackrabbit. Meant to change it from the beginning, but just getting around to it now.

Snape returned to the Great Hall with a newfound agitation, leaving you abandoned in the hallway. In followed Filch and Professor Flitwick after him, casting odd glances your way. 

It was no secret Severus wasn't a fan of Lupin, and for good reason, but that didn't negate the fact you and Remus were obviously enthralled with each other even after all these years.

Which was something Snape would never be able to have. An evil jealousy enveloped him like a fog that squeezed his heart in ways he'd rather not think about. 

The worst part was that you wouldn't even admit how you felt. You had all the ingredients for happiness at your disposal and yet you refused to mix them. 

Dumbledore looked to Snape knowingly while the other two professors informed the headmaster there was no sign of Sirius Black in the castle.

"I didn't really expect him to linger," Dumbledore responded lightheartedly, nodding to Filch and Flitwick in thanks nonetheless. He turned to walk past his slumbering students and Snape followed. 

"Remarkable feat - don't you think," Snape probed. "To enter Hogwarts castle on one's own. Completely undetected."

"Quite remarkable, yes," Dumbledore conceded.

"Any theories on how he might have managed it?" 

"Many. Each as unlikely as the next."

"You may recall," Snape started tentatively. "Prior to the start of term that I did express concerns about your appointment of Professor-"

"Not a single professor inside this castle would help Sirius Black to enter it," Dumbledore cut off Snape plainly. 

Unbeknownst to the pair, among the throng of sleeping children - one was still awake. Harry Potter listened to his professors' conversation intently, and although Snape didn't get to finish his sentence, Harry had a good idea of who he suspected. 

He hadn't heard what you said, but he knew you and Snape were fighting in the hall. Your own nephew knew next to nothing about you. It seemed you were a mystery no one was able to solve. 

Harry hadn't spoken to you since you accidentally called him by his father's name and he was fairly sure you wouldn't tell him anything if you asked. There was something you were hiding and he was determined to find out what.

While he fell asleep to the ideal of his newfound resolution you were still drinking at Hagrid's where you would stay into the late hours of the night. In fact, you'd fall asleep right there at his kitchen table. By the time you were awoken by the sound of his snoring there was daylight streaming through his windows.

You rubbed your hands down your face with a tired groan. The Sun's light wasn't harsh enough to be afternoon, but surely many of the school's inhabitants had already started their day. The Kneazle returned to its makeshift bed.

You rose to your feet only to plop right back down on the hard, wooden chair you'd called a bed. A sudden wooziness made your world spin and nausea erupted from you in the form of a loud belch that could apparently wake a giant. 

Hagrid's snores stopped abruptly. He looked up at you blearily casting an uneven blink in slow motion. 

"I've got to feed the animals," you croaked, holding your spinning head in your hand.

"Yup," Hagrid acknowledged groggily. 

"I've got a wicked hangover."

"Yup." 

"I don't suppose you have anything to," another burp threatened escape you. "...remedy this." 

Hagrid's half lidded eyes stared at you emptily. His heavy head was held up only by his hand haphazardly balanced atop his elbow. He answered you with a half hearted snore. 

"Hagrid!"

He woke with a start, fully opening his eyes for the first time that morning. 

"You feed anything in the vicinity of this hut," you ordered weakly. "I'll take care of the rest. Got it?"

He answered with an unconvincing hum of agreement, but you accepted it nonetheless. 

You stood to your wobbly feet, and after a brief adjustment to the sunlight of Hagrid's open doorway, you shakily started the journey to your quarters. 

To your fortune there weren't too many students roaming the grounds at this point in the day to wonder why you came stumbling out of Hagrid's hut or why you walked up to the castle in a zig zag pattern. 

You entered the relieving shade of of the bricked outdoor hallway. The corridor was empty save for a couple students down the way and...

"Severus," you called. 

Snape took one look at your disheveled form and turned on his heel in the opposite direction. 

"I don't want to know," he said, knowing you'd follow him anyway. 

"It's not what you think," you fought, doing exactly as he predicted. 

"I said I don't want to know!" You managed to match his pace and stumble alongside him. 

"I don't suppose you have a cure for hangovers in that lovely cloak of yours," you inquired hopefully. Snape responded with an airy snort. 

"You do know what the students will think if they see you in the same robe's as yesterday? Let alone the faculty." 

He finally stopped and turned to you with crossed arms. You rolled your eyes at the never ending dramatics. 

"Yeah, they'd think their professor got plastered with a certain groundskeeper last night and now has creatures to feed." You held out your palm expectantly. "Cure?" 

With a less than amused scowl Snape reached into the depths of his cloak and procured a small vial. A look over your shoulder seemed to lighten his mood. 

"I hope you enjoy explaining that to your...colleague." 

You accepted the bottle with giddy hands only to look up at your friend in confusion. Confusion soon turned to horror when a glance behind you proved to find Lupin making his way down the corridor.

Reeking of booze and a restless night you thanked Severus before practically diving out of one of the corridor's large, glassless windows and onto the sunny lawn. 

Graceful? Maybe not, but worth it. 

You downed the contents of the vial quickly and they nearly came right back up. You clapped a hand over your mouth to keep yourself from purging the only thing that was going to get you through the day. 

It went down like a rock, but you managed to keep it in your stomach where it belonged. The effects were immediate. The Sun was no longer overwhelming and your clouded thoughts were finally clear. You were pleased to find there was even a minty after taste. 

Knowing Remus would be there any second to inquire why exactly you had jumped out of a window, you set an unforgiving pace once again towards your room. This time with newfound determination. 

Sweet-tooth was asleep when you arrived. You roused her to come along with you for the day, and made your rounds to feed the various creatures that inhabited Hogwarts. 

You didn't see Lupin all weekend. Mostly because you were avoiding him. 

The Amortentia revelation had you shaken up to say the least. Of course, you would still be there for Remus Sunday night, but after that...who knows anymore. 

Lupin is a good man. You'd always thought that even when he infuriated you. Maybe that was part of the problem. 

You thought by the time Sunday night rolled around you'd have an idea of what to say to him, but after dropping Sweet-tooth at Hagrid's for the night, you realized...you had nothing. 

So you decided to do what you always did: ignore the problem. 

As the Sun set you skillfully alluded the branches of your old nemesis, The Whomping Willow, slipping through the entrance to the Shrieking Shack. 

The room was just a musty as you remembered it, except now it lacked the childlike wonder that the room had once accompanied. It was, of course, a place of great discomfort for Remus, but also a place that the pair of you spent countless nights with friends and shared wheeze inducing laughter. 

You'd fallen asleep on these shifty wooden planks the Shack called a floor more times than you cared to admit. If you looked closely at the dust on the rickety table you could still find foot prints from where you'd put on a Firewhisky sponsored dance for your mates. It was this room you and Remus shared your first ever kiss, even if it was just a dare. 

Despite the fact your every step creeked agonizingly loud, Lupin hadn't heard you enter. He was much too preoccupied monitoring the ever setting Sun outside the windowless pane of the hidden room. 

Golden hour suited his profile nicely even if his eyes were...sad. You made your next step unnecessarily heavy to alert him of your presence. 

The sadness didn't completely disappear when he registered your arrival, but it sure as hell lessened, being replaced with a thankful glimmer. Like you were some sort of savior, or better yet, a friend. He sighed your name with a breath of relief. 

"I wasn't sure if you would show."

"Of course I'd show," you responded defensively. You almost made the mistake of asking _why wouldn't I _but that was a whole can of worms you weren't ready to open.__

____

____

It's not like you were actively avoiding him all weekend...except you were. And subtlety was never one of your strong suits. 

Lupin said your name again, this time slightly strained. He stared out the window and you couldn't be sure if it was because it was nearly dark out, or if he was just avoiding eye contact with you. Either way, he wrung his hands together so feverishly you could hear skin slapping together. 

"I think we should talk." 

Your heart dropped into your stomach as every word you'd ever learned seemed to evaporate from your memory instantaneously. You hated talking. Why couldn't people just pretend things didn't happen? It always worked for you, y'know, when you were a nomad. Easy not to talk when no one is around. 

"Remus, we don't have to-"

"No, I need you to listen to me," he interrupted. He tried to sound authoritative, but the shake in his voice was ever present. Nausea would soon consume him and the thought alone was enough to make him quake. 

Nonetheless, he ignored the night growing dire to the best of his ability. He strode forward as confidently as he could, doing his best to mirror his memory of Sirius approaching women. 

"I care about you," he said with finality. Your eyes widened at the admission, but Remus continued. "I care about you in the same way I cared about you when we were seventeen." 

If you were surprised before needless to say you were shocked now. Remus Lupin was not a blunt person. He chose his words carefully because he meant everything he said honestly, and that took time to think about. 

Unfortunately, he often ended up dancing around exactly what he was trying to convey, but this? This was something else entirely. Remus Lupin was speaking from the heart. Something he should have done many years ago. 

"I don't want to be like...how I used to be," he explained. He hesitated a moment before brushing a stray piece out of your face. 

Instead of retracting his hand, your heart just about stopped when he gently cupped your touch deprived cheek in his palm. His hands were surprisingly rough, reminding you of the pads on a dog's foot. 

You were too startled to lean into his touch, but you certainly didn't move away, frozen in place with wide eyed...intrigue? And a little bit of terror. 

"Never knowing what to say or how to feel," Remus shook his head regretfully. "I...I know how I feel about you." 

You dreaded the feeling he gave you. It was an intense and burning vulnerability that only he could instill. One could possibly even describe it as the L word. 

His other hand met the lonely side of your face. Lupin held you gently, almost lovingly, and although the conversation terrified you, his touch brought an insatiable comfort. 

He took a step forward that brought his face closer to yours. He bore an embarrassed smile. 

"It just took Snape shoving Amortentia under my nose to realize it," Lupin chuckled dryly.  
You should have known, and still, your jaw dropped open a fraction. 

"Rabbit hair," you inquired hoarsely. Your voice came out as barely more than a whisper. 

"Funnily enough no." Lupin's hands fell from your face, palms sliding over you shoulders down the length of your arms until his hands met yours. His fingers tapped yours as if waiting for invitation before intertwining your hands together. "This time it just smelt like you. Plain and human." 

His eyes were soft and gleaming with an openess that was overwhelming. You dropped your gaze to where your hands met his and ran an absentminded thumb over the back of his hand. Tiny little scars littered his skin as well as a larger one here and there. You'd forgotten about those. 

"Remus, I...I don't know what to say..."

He dropped your hands suddenly. At first, you thought you'd done something wrong, before the harsh reality dawned on you. 

It never got any easier to watch him transform which could only mean it was ten times worse for him. It was a cruel irony for the kindest man you'd ever met to transform into something so beastly. 

In the moonlight you watched his soft features turn jagged by sprouting hair over jutting, angular bone. He backed himself into a corner where you could hear a dog's cry of pain and bone rubbing together as his limbs elongated. 

He howled when his nose became a snout and again when claws sprung from his finger tips.  
By the end of it he was tall and skinny, like he hadn't eaten in days, but he stayed put in that corner, whimpering quietly to himself. Docile was not the proper manner to describe Lupin's wolf form, although it was close. 

The Wolfsbane Potion he took leading up to transformation prevented the wolf from becoming overly aggressive as long as it remained unprovoked. Best, it allowed Lupin to retain his sanity when he returned human. 

The sight of humans typically aggravated werewolves (who could blame them), so with a deep breath, you felt yourself shrink down in size. It wasn't an altogether unpleasant sensation to become your animagus, but it was strange: like the feeling of butterflies in your stomach being applied to your whole body, and then it was gone as soon as it came. You were a rabbit. 

Well, a rabbit with antlers. You swiveled your head from side to side, adjusting to the new, but familiar, weight atop your head. Sniffing through your relentlessly twitching nose proved that the Shack was most definitely more dusty that you remembered. This new realization pushed a tiny sneeze out of your small frame.

Giant ears perked up at the sound of shuffling in the corner. You turned just in time to see the werewolf emerging from the safety of its corner to come after you. An easy hop backwards evaded the snapping jaws much to the animal's disappointment.

He whined before replacing the sad sound with an annoyed growl. He pounced forward once more, but again, you were quicker.

One would think the looming form of Lupin's werewolf would be intimidating to someone of your currently small stature, but you were used to it. Usually he'd take a few snaps at you until the Wolfsbane made him too drowsy to continue. If push came to shove you could always give him a warning stab of your antlers, but it didn't come to that.

Just as you predicted, the werewolf soon tired himself out. With a high pitched yawn, the large, gangly creature curled itself into a ball on the old, wooden floor and fell fast asleep. There he remained for most of the night.

If this had been your school days you would be taking shifts to keep watch over Lupin, but since it was just you, you were left to your own devices the duration of the night. Alone with nothing but your thoughts and a slumbering werewolf. 

_Fuck. ___

____

____

Why did Remus have to say all those things to you? Your kind, reserved Remus who held your face in his hands ever so gently and warm even on his least favorite night of the month. Your sweet Remus who's eyes lit up when you entered a room. The Remus that saved you from Boggarts and boredom. 

How could he want to be with someone like you? 

A cynical and strange witch. One who cared about creatures more than people because animals never hurt her. Well, at least not emotionally.

You'd shifted back to human some time ago, silently. A rabbit pelt draped over your body from the transformation and although you pulled it tightly around you the pelt left most of your legs bare.

They shone bright in the pale moonlight where you could see old wounds that never healed quite right. A bite here (you couldn't recall what from), a dragon burn there, and even a small stab wound from a rather unwelcoming Brownie. Your body told the story of your life up until this very moment. 

Wondering what would scar you next, you risked a glance at Lupin's werewolf form.

Maybe it would be him. As if he hadn't left a lasting mark already. He'd had his fair share of strife, some of it you even experienced together. Perhaps allowing the pair of you a moments solace in your burdened lives wasn't an absolutely awful idea. 

As if feeling your eyes on him, the creature woke with a start. Bleary eyes met yours and this time you saw more than just a werewolf. It was Lupin's eyes - it seemed the night was drawing to a close. 

But it wasn't over yet. 

A low snarl filled the air, signaling you to become a jackalope once more. The gangly creature stood to its hind legs, all the while keeping you in its sights. You prepared to bounce away, expecting him lunge at you, but were stunned when the werewolf made a beeline for the exit. 

You scrambled to follow after, struggling to find your footing on the splintery floor before bounding out the doorway. He was already out of your sights, leaving you to follow distant growls and guttural breathing. Fortunately, you were fast.

You caught up just in time to watch him burst through the front door. Outside he paused to stare up at the retreating moon soon to be replaced by the Sum's first light. 

Already making a mental apology in your head, you caught up to the werewolf, only to tackle him to the dewy, morning ground. He yelped in surprise, but thankfully not loud enough to wake the slumbering Whomping Willow. 

Once you regained your footing, you lowered into a defensive position, expecting him to chomp at you for foiling his escape plans, but he didn't. The werewolf stayed stock still on the ground. Looking to where your antlers and connected with his side you found blood matting the thin, gray fur. 

Heedless of the danger the werewolf still may pose, you morphed back to human. Keeping your pelt on with one hand you pushed the bloody fur out of the way to the best of your ability with the other. It wasn't a deep wound, but certainly not pleasant. 

"Remus..." you called to the werewolf softly. It made no sign of hearing you. 

You looked up to see the Sun was finally rising over the horizon, and by the time you looked back down, Lupin's human form had returned. 

"Remus," you exclaimed in a harsh whisper, every wary of waking the Willow. 

You grabbed his face with both of your hands, allowing the pelt to fall carelessly from your shoulders. Sweat stuck his hair to his forehead, so you gently stroked it away. Without thinking you planted a chaste kiss there. 

His eyes opened a crack to find you rubbing gentle circles to his cheeks. He looked at you like you'd woken him from a dead sleep. In a sense you had. 

Remus often had a difficult time adjusting back to reality after a transformation. You were sure the last thing he needed right now was you in his face asking a million questions, but when you went to pull away, he brought his hand to cradle the back of your head, successfully keeping you where you lay - mere inches from his face. 

Your eyes memorized his groggy features before closing the space between you. Remus didn't hesitate to return the kiss, entangling his fingers in your hair to keep you close. Your lips greeted his like they were old friends, blissfully melding together in a slow and passionate tenderness. It was a long and much needed embrace. 

You pulled away slowly, keeping your hands on his face. His eyes searched yours with a kind twinkle.

"Remus, are you alright," you whispered. 

"I'm better than alright," he returned with a soft smile, although you were sure he was exhausted. "And also...naked. Perhaps we should be getting inside?" 

Your face flushed with an embarrassed heat as you scrambled to both grab your pelt and help Lupin to his feet.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you enjoyed the chapter!


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